


you don’t know what hell you put me through

by chahakyn



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Demigods, Empath Hyungwon, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24585088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn
Summary: oh my god, they were roommates(and they’re demi-gods too)
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon & Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Chae Hyungwon & Yoo Kihyun, Chae Hyungwon/Lee Minhyuk, Im Changkyun | I.M & Lee Minhyuk, Lee Hoseok | Wonho/Yoo Kihyun, Lee Jooheon & Lee Minhyuk, Lee Minhyuk/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	you don’t know what hell you put me through

**Author's Note:**

> the entire mx crew being descendants of greek gods + hyungwon and minhyuk becoming roommates = chaos and romance
> 
> i read this [ this nct fic by pududoll ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13471851) and saw [ this tumblr post ](https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/post/172057066156/trauma-conga-line-imagine-children-of) about demigod attributes and then this fic was born! enjoy!
> 
> (also just a heads up, the mature rating is for attempted suicide. it's a little complicated and kind of in a gray area, but better safe than sorry. if you don't want to see any mention of suicide, then please do not read this story. thank you!)

Hyungwon looks forlornly at the boxes by the doorway, ignoring the look Kihyun gives him.

“Hyungwon. Help me pack.”

“No, because if I help you pack then you’ll leave faster.” Hyungwon turns away resolutely.

“Chae Hyungwon, you’re such a baby.” Kihyun smirks, dodging the pillow Hyungwon throws before disappearing down the hall.

“Why do you need my help anyways? Where’s Hoseok?”

“Working,” Kihyun calls back, dragging a rather heavy box out of the bedroom.

“And he couldn’t take the time off to come help you? How _supportive_ —” Hyungwon stops, holding back the harsh words he never seems to have a grip on.

His fingers curl, mind itching to reflexively reach out and feel Kihyun’s emotions. Hyungwon stops himself, though. Even if it’s a blessing to receive empath abilities given that he is one of Hades’ many descendants (yes, the Greek god Hades), it’s also incredibly rude to intrude by feeling out people’s emotions. Even if Kihyun can’t feel when he does so. Kihyun is good at hiding his emotions behind kind smiles, though he’s not prone to doing it as much around Hyungwon. Still… Hyungwon wants very badly to make sure Kihyun is alright.

“Hoseok’s busy, there’s a new album that the whole studio has been working their asses off for since February.” Kihyun shrugs nonchalantly. “And I’m not offended,” he adds quickly.

Hyungwon frowns. “I didn’t even—”

“I don’t need your abilities to know that you were worried I was mad.” Kihyun smiles gently. Hyungwon frowns again, reaching out ever so slightly with his abilities to confirm Kihyun’s words.

“Yes, yes, check all you’d like. Though, you’ll want to warn your new roommate about that. And you might want to try and get a grip on that mouth of yours as well.” He gives Hyungwon an amused look before turning back to the boxes, pulling Hyungwon by the wrist to help.

“If you didn’t have to leave then I wouldn’t have to force someone else to get used to me,” Hyungwon sighs, accepting that Kihyun is fine and dutifully taking a box, nearly staggering under its weight. He deposits it by the door.

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t bring you out of your comfort zone every once and awhile?” Kihyun grins at him. A gentle, pulsing glow surrounds him in tune to his emotion, remnants of Apollo’s bright radiance that has been passed down for generations, all the way down to Kihyun.

Hyungwon’s known Kihyun since college, two descendants that met on accident at a party and latched onto each other for support. Greek god descendants aren’t rare, but they aren’t easy to find either. If you find some you like, you stick with them for as long as you can. That’s how Hyungwon and Hoseok have been friends for as long as they have, since high school. And then Kihyun joined their little group, a trio of descendants against the world. Until Hoseok and Kihyun became more than friends and Hyungwon was left behind. But it’s not bad. Kihyun and Hoseok are happy, and that’s all that matters. Hyungwon’s upset that Kihyun has to go, but it would be a crime if he ever stood in the way of what they have. He’s happy for them—

“—hello? Earth to Hyungwon?” Kihyun taps Hyungwon’s nose, glow dimming slightly as he notices Hyungwon’s expression. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just…I’m gonna miss you,” Hyungwon looks away.

“ _Finally_ , you admit you like me.”

“I didn’t say _that_.”

Kihyun smiles playfully, latching his arms around Hyungwon’s shoulders and squeezing tightly. Hyungwon scoffs, though he does nothing to stop him. Kihyun’s bright expression quiets into something calm and knowing.

“You’re gonna be fine, you know that?” He murmurs.

“Yeah.” Hyungwon frowns, closing his eyes for a moment before pulling away and turning towards another box.

“Seriously, it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna enjoy having a new roommate, I’ll visit lots, and you won’t have to worry about me nagging at you to do the dishes.” Kihyun grins.

Hyungwon whips a wooden spatula out of a box, shaking it accusingly at Kihyun. “That is a lie. You’re still gonna nag me about dishes somehow, I can _feel_ it.”

Kihyun backs away from Hyungwon, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Try and stop me.” He turns and strolls down the hall, cackling as Hyungwon heaves a long-suffering sigh.

\---

In the time after Kihyun has moved out and before his new roommate moves in, Hyungwon falls back into the bad habits of single living. For example, eating an entire bag of lemon cookies while staring blankly at the ceiling at 3AM. That’s one midnight snack gone overboard that Hyungwon regrets immensely.

He drums his fingers against the counter, impatiently waiting for the water to boil for some much-needed bland, soothing herbal tea. His mind wanders absently, running through the list of chores he really should complete before his new roommate arrives. Hyungwon considers the list before discarding it in favor of staring harder at the water kettle; maybe it’ll boil faster that way. One can only hope.

A loud knock startles Hyungwon, causing him to slam his hip into the kitchen counter. He curses colorfully, staggering to the door and yanking it open. A young man with blinding, bleached white hair grins, hiking his backpack over his shoulder.

“Hi, I’m Lee Minhyuk! You must be Hyungwon! It’s really great to meet you!” His new roommate snatches up Hyungwon’s hand, shaking enthusiastically. Hyungwon withdraws his hand quickly, nodding as he desperately tries to collect himself from the overwhelming onslaught of excitement radiating from Minhyuk.

Hyungwon frowns. “Why did you knock? Shouldn’t you have a key?”

Minhyuk smiles apologetically. “Lost it.”

“It’s been…you haven’t even moved in yet,” Hyungwon says slowly, wondering if this is all some very stupid and unamusing prank.

“Things just happen like that sometimes. I’m sure it’s in my boxes somewhere.” Minhyuk smiles again.

“Okayyy...” Hyungwon drags the syllables out, unimpressed.

“Can I come in?” Minhyuk pipes up, bouncing from toe to toe anxiously.

“I mean, yeah, it’s your place too.” Hyungwon steps to the side, letting him pass. Minhyuk bolts in so quickly Hyungwon takes a step back in shock. Thankfully, Minhyuk has the mind to take his shoes off before treading in further into the apartment.

“Wow, this place is so nice! Thanks for letting me move in,” he hollers from the kitchen.

Hyungwon winces, closing the door behind him. “You’re paying rent, I’m not doing you any favors,” he drawls.

Minhyuk’s head pops out from his bedroom door down the hall. “I know, but still!” He darts back into his room, setting his backpack down with a loud thud before emerging in the hallway and approaching Hyungwon, eyes shining with excitement. “I’m excited to live here!”

Hyungwon hums, moving back to the kitchen before something catches his eye. He leans closer to one of Minhyuk’s boxes, eyes sharp as he notes the glint of the metal pin peeking out from under the cardboard flaps of a box. A pin of the emblem of Hermes. Hyungwon raises an eyebrow.

Some descendants like to flaunt their heritage by wearing merchandise, of all things. Shirts, hats, laptop cases; you name it, they have it. But Minhyuk’s little pin is small and unobtrusive and it seems to be private, more of a personal object he likes to display in his own space. Hyungwon looks up at Minhyuk as he emerges from his room, hopping over to move another box.

“You’re Hermes’ descendant?”

Minhyuk freezes and looks up, halfway bent to pick up a box. “Yeah?” His voice suddenly has an edge to it. Hyungwon probes a bit, feeling Minhyuk’s sharp angles of wariness and suspicion leap to the forefront of his emotions in a heartbeat.

Minhyuk’s brow jumps up for a moment before his expression smooths to blank neutrality. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

Hyungwon scoffs, waving a hand. “Unless my connection to Hades is, then no, it’s not a problem”

“Oh! A fellow descendant!” Minhyuk whirls around, the suspicion gone and only excitement in its wake. “Never met one of Hades’, which is honestly weird because everyone knows he secretly got arou—”

Hyungwon reels, hands shooting up defensively .“Okay, no, that’s not—discussing my ancestor’s penchant for fathering special descendants left and right is not a conversation I want to have.”

Minhyuk laughs, his eyes twinkling. “If you ever want gossip, I have _sooo_ much.”

“No. _Never_. Thank you,” Hyungwon says curtly, exiting the living room with as much grace and speed as he can muster.

\---

Minhyuk comes into Hyungwon’s life the way he (as Hyungwon soon learns) approaches everything: too fast, too loud, and full of enthusiasm.

Knocking into things, spilling food across the counter, chattering nonstop every minute of the day. His emotions leak everywhere, bowling over Hyungwon with the sheer intensity of his feelings. The number of headaches he has every week skyrockets.

Hyungwon can’t stand it.

\---

Minhyuk rushes in a flurry of excitement, jacket and shoes deposited by the door at breakneck speed.

“What a day! Do you want to hear about my day?” Minhyuk plops a few bags of groceries on the counter, looking expectantly at Hyungwon’s back.

“Not really.”

“Well, too bad because you’re gonna hear about it anyway!” Minhyuk beams before he begins chattering, words hurtling out of his mouth at a frankly terrifying pace.

Hyungwon grits his teeth before turning around in his seat, facing Minhyuk with reluctance.

“The kids were very, very good today, which is a total surprise because you know how they can be, I told you about it. But I think Seokwoo dangling a surprise over their heads the entireday might have donethetrick anyways Jooheon did I tellyouaboutJooheon? He’s my collegeroommate butanyway hesentme the _funniest_ memeandIhad tostopmyselffrom laughinginthemiddleofclasslikeIswear—”

Minhyuk’s voice suddenly vanishes, leaving his mouth chattering on obliviously in silence. Hyungwon gapes.

“ _Minhyuk_.” Hyungwon blurts out as Minhyuk’s head jerks up, mouth formed in a questioning shape. “Your…your _voice_.”

Minhyuk looks down, frowning as though he can physically see that his voice is missing. He rolls his eyes, holding up his hand as he leans against the counter. He opens his mouth, drumming his fingers impatiently against the counter, waiting for—

“—he seriously has no respect for my job—what, Hyungwon?” Minhyuk finishes and sighs, rubbing his jaw.

“What the _hell_ was that?” Hyungwon stares in shock at Minhyuk. The fact that Hyungwon can’t feel any from Minhyuk’s emotions is the only thing keeping him calm.

“It’s just a side-effect of being Hermes’ descendant.” Minhyuk waves his hand airily.

Hyungwon gives Minhyuk an incredulous look. “You literally went _mute_ for a good half a minute, how is that just a side-effect?”

“Not mute, my voice was just too slow for my mouth. I just have to stop to let it catch up.” Minhyuk says, shrugging. Hyungwon squints.

“You’ll pick up on my quirks eventually. Like I’ve picked up on yours!” Minhyuk grins as he continues to babble about his day, putting away groceries.

“Wait, wait, you’ve already picked up on _mine_?” Hyungwon sputters, shocked.

People who bother to become Hyungwon’s friends don’t pick up on his “quirks” (as Minhyuk so eloquently put it) until at least a few months in. Even Hoseok and Kihyun had taken ages to realize that Hyungwon wasn’t reading their body language, but their emotions. It’s not like there’s a comprehensive database of the side effects of being a Greek god’s descendent online. People have tried to make one, but effects of ancestry vary in both intensity as well as ability. Not to mention some people are incredibly cagey and refuse to divulge abilities that are more easily hidden. Like Hyungwon’s.

Minhyuk turns, sweet potatoes in hand. “Yes? Your probing is very obvious, you should know.” He wags one of the roots at Hyungwon. “I can feel you most of the time when you reach out. You’re lucky that not everyone is as sensitive as I am.”

“Ah, uh well that’s,“ Hyungwon stutters, “fortunate?”

“Yup.” Minhyuk pops the ‘p’ at the end of the word, already having mentally moved on. He hums as he sorts frozen packs of food to put away.

Hyungwon blinks rapidly, turning to look at his phone in a daze. Being discovered so quickly is…unsettling. How much more does Minhyuk know? And how much more can he find out?

Hyungwon narrows his eyes. He doesn’t like this at _all._

\---

Hyungwon pushes his glasses up his nose, fingers running along the page to follow line after line of text. His vision blurs for a moment, prompting him to blink rapidly and pinch himself. Staring at papers for hours on a weekend has done nothing to lesson his current foul mood.

A rapid set of knocks sounds at his door before it opens and Minhyuk pokes his head in.

“Hey, do you wanna make popcorn and watch a movie?”

Hyungwon blinks before frowning. “It’s 1 in the fucking morning.”

“Yeah, it’s also Saturday?” Minhyuk tilts his head to the side, his mouth twisting into an amused and self-satisfactory smile as if he _knows_ Hyungwon will acquiesce. A hint of irritation flares up and Hyungwon scowls.

“No.”

Minhyuk’s lips twist into a pout. “ _Really_?” He very nearly whines (and _oh_ , if that doesn’t just push all of Hyungwon’s buttons in the absolute worst way).

“Yes.”

“You _sure_?” Minhyuk wheedles and Hyungwon snaps, glaring darkly at Minhyuk’s too bright smile.

“Can’t you learn to take a _hint_?”

“What, that you don’t want to watch a movie with me? Yeah, but why _wouldn’t_ you want to, it’s 1 in the morning and that document reviewing can’t be any fun.”

“No,” Hyungwon nearly snarls, yanking his glasses off his face. “That—”

“That I’m annoying and you don’t like me?” Minhyuk shrugs, looking calm. “You’re not subtle enough about that to be giving ‘hints’.” His fingers sketch quotes in the air.

“Then why don’t you listen and just leave me _alone_?” Hyungwon grits out, hands fisted at his sides. Minhyuk tilts his head, eyes wide with an infuriating air of innocence about him.

“Because I want you to like me? And also because this movie is really good and I know you’ll like it?”

“Get out.”

“You’re gonna regret this—"

“Out. _Now_.” Hyungwon shoves his finger at the door, watching Minhyuk as he shrugs and leaves. Hyungwon pushes the door shut with his foot, scrubbing his eyes before pushing his hair back with his fingers.

Kihyun will be hearing about this.

\---

“He’s just an absolute nuisance!” Hyungwon whisper-yells into his phone, drawing some odd looks from people trying to peacefully browse the grocery aisles.

_That bad, huh?_

“He just won’t stop! I can’t get him to shut up, he talks too fast, he’s always bothering me, I’m going crazy.”

 _Hyungwon_ —

“I swear, I’ve been trying to review this one case for 3 days straight and he just keeps talking to me? If he keeps it up, I may just _kill_ him!” Hyungwon grits out. A mother throws an alarmed glance in Hyungwon’s direction, quickly wheeling her child and groceries away.

 _Hyungwon, breathe_ —

“I am breathing!”

_Are you, like, okay? Do you need a place to stay for a bit or something?_

Hyungwon deflates at this, the thought of burdening his friends even more than he normally does just too much. Kihyun moved out to be with Hoseok, they deserve to be happy without Hyungwon intruding in their space

“No, no, it’s…it’s fine. I can handle it.”

_Are you sure? You know Hoseok and I…_

“Don’t worry about it. It’s, I can…” Hyungwon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.” I can make it work.”

_You know yourself, don’t push it if it doesn’t feel right, yeah?_

“Yeah. I think I just… ah, I _know_ I just need to be more patient, I need to work on myself.”

_Hyungwon…_

A rustling sound comes from Kihyun’s end of the line, his quiet cursing sounding through.

_Ah, I have to go._

“Yeah, go for it.”

_But if you need anything, you will tell me, right?_

“Of course. Always.”

_Good. Hyungwon?_

“Yeah?”

_Remember how frustrated you were when we first moved in together? How much I infuriated you?_

Hyungwon stops in front of a display of chips, gaze unfocused as Kihyun’s words draw him into a memory. He gives a small laugh, low and quiet.

“Yeah, I do.”

 _Hoseok says you texted him nonstop those first few weeks, you were so angry with me_.

“That _traitor_ , he wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

_Well he did. And I’m not saying that what’s happening now is the same as it was back then but give it some time Hyungwon. He deserves a chance, like what you gave me._

“That’s…fair.”

_We’ll talk later?_

Hyungwon hums, acknowledging Kihyun’s farewell. He looks down at his phone, swiping up to glance morosely at his grocery list.

He knows he hasn’t been fair to Minhyuk in the short time that they’ve been roommates. But with Minhyuk’s numerous irritating habits and generally excitable and loud nature, the differences between him and Kihyun have only been too obvious. And Hyungwon knows he’s having a hard time being fair; it’s all too easy to hold Minhyuk to Kihyun’s standard, especially given how much he grew to like Kihyun as a roommate. But they are two completely different people, after all.

Hyungwon absently picks through a carton of eggs as his mind wanders. Minhyuk’s been making an effort to be kind, in his own weird way. He always asks if Hyungwon needs anything when he goes out to buy food, constantly invites Hyungwon out, pesters him to join for movie or TV marathons on Friday nights. It’s…overwhelming, but in a somewhat endearing way, Hyungwon concludes. Even his point about Hyungwon’s emotional probing those few weeks ago. Despite how the comment had made Hyungwon feel defensive, it was a valid point. Minhyuk was being kind, just in his own way. A way Hyungwon hasn’t quite managed to figure out yet.

But now, being away from Minhyuk’s staggering energy and emotions has helped Hyungwon think a little more rationally. Would it be so hard to try and return the favor of kindness a little? Hyungwon frowns before placing the eggs in his basket. Probably easier in theory than in practice. But it’s worth a shot, if anything.

\---

“Hey!”

Minhyuk jolts awake, bolting into an upright position.

“Wh—wha?”

“Your alarm,” Hyungwon snaps, tossing Minhyuk’s phone (that is currently vibrating and blaring Hyuna’s “Bubble Pop”) into his lap. Minhyuk squints blearily at the phone before picking it up, smudging his thumb along the screen to turn it off. The silence that follows is nearly deafening.

Minhyuk looks sleepily up at Hyungwon, taking in his hunched-over figure, comforter draped over himself like a very thick, hooded cloak. Minhyuk frowns, brows furrowing.

“How—"

“You left it on the dining table. And I’ve been up all night. I was just about to go sleep.” Hyungwon scowls half-heartedly in Minhyuk’s general direction, already turning around to shuffle out of the room.

“Hyungwon,” Minhyuk calls out. Hyungwon stops at the door, overwhelming exhaustion unable to distract him from noticing that Minhyuk voice sounds…different. Rougher, from the sleep. But somehow still softer than he’s ever heard it before.

“Thank you. For that.”

Harsh words rise in the back of Hyungwon’s throat, but he bites them back, remembering his conversation with Kihyun; _I just need to be more patient, I need to work on myself_. He reaches out wearily with his abilities and feels only gentle patience and kind appreciation radiating from Minhyuk. No tricks, only kindness. Hyungwon sighs and shakes his head.

“Yeah. Don’t forget it again.” Hyungwon slouches out of the room, closing the door behind him.

\---

Hyungwon stares up at the ceiling, pleasantly buzzed. He normally hates drinking, but it’s Saturday night with nowhere to go and it just…felt right. It also helps that Minhyuk had some bourbon he was willing to share. The alcohol is lessening his animosity towards Minhyuk enough that he can almost enjoy his company.

Almost.

“Can I ask you a question?” Minhyuk pipes up, the alcohol somehow not slowing him down despite how little is left in the bottle.

“Sure,” Hyungwon drawls acidly, noticing a hairline crack in the ceiling. He would make mental note of it, if he knew the landlord would actually do anything about it. But the landlord won’t, so he just stares at it, mapping its path across the spackle.

“Are you ever lonely?” Minhyuk asks, quieter this time. Hyungwon freezes and then a dry laugh bubbles up from his throat at the sheer _insanity_ of this question.

_Are you ever lonely?_

What a stupid question to ask. For all that Hyungwon can feel other’s emotions, he can’t emulate them, leaving him unable to connect with most anyone. He has very few friends. People never want to get to know him; they stay away once they’ve gotten what they want from him. He’s always tired and lonely and it feels _shitty_. The question is so Minhyuk, oblivious and not at all funny and yet Hyungwon finds himself laughing breathlessly, doubled over in front of the couch.

“Was, was it _that_ funny of a question?” Hyungwon can feel Minhyuk’s confusion and looks up to see his frown. Hyungwon wipes a few tears from his eyes.

“No, it was a stupid question. Of course I’m lonely, who do you think I am?”

“I’m just… why would you be? You have friends, like Hoseok and Kihyun. Aren’t you going to have lunch soon with Kihyun or something?” Minhyuk looks so confused, it nearly sends Hyungwon into another bout of laughter.

“I am. But what about it? They have their own lives.”

“Why don’t you invite them over sometime?” Minhyuk’s voice is gentle, too gentle. The pity is clear and it grates on Hyungwon’s nerves like sandpaper.

“Because some people like me just aren’t good company. Didn’t your parents ever teach you _that_?” Hyungwon snaps, baiting Minhyuk deliberately. It’s nothing personal, but he wants to see Minhyuk break, snap apart under duress. To show that even if he’s part god, he’s also part human and that means he’s _weak_. As weak as Hyungwon feels sometimes.

Minhyuk, surprisingly, doesn’t respond. He only tilts his head, his finger sliding against the rim of the bottle. He somehow seems to know that Hyungwon’s feelings are more complex than the harsh words spitting from his mouth; and he lets the silence linger. Hyungwon sighs, leaning back. That brief flash of anger has dissipated, leaving Hyungwon with a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t…it hadn’t been his intention to always be so…cruel. But it’s just a _little_ bit personal, because Minhyuk is so, _so_ perfect and he shines so brightly and moves so quickly, it seems like nothing can touch him. And maybe Hyungwon wanted that reaction just so he could see the weakness in Minhyuk’s eyes. So he could be comforted by the fact that maybe, just _maybe_ , Minhyuk is just as lonely and fucked up as he is.

And isn’t that fucked _up_? To try and hurt someone to bring them down to your level, just so you have the security of not being alone? Hyungwon’s stomach churns. It’s Saturday night with nowhere to go and Hyungwon wanted a reaction. But now he isn’t sure that reaction would be worth the pain he caused Minhyuk.

“Minhyuk, I…” Hyungwon growls, pushing a hand through his hair roughly. “God, that was shitty of me, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Minhyuk looks up but says nothing. His emotions reveal nothing either, only blank calm showing. Hyungwon takes a deep breath and dives in, praying what he says is right.

“I…I am lonely. All the time. It really, _really_ hurts and I just…” Hyungwon looks down, picking at a loose thread on his sweatshirt, “I’m bad at not being lonely. I hate you for not being lonely and I just…wanted you to feel bad. Do you…get it?” Hyungwon looks up, tone slightly hopeful.

Minhyuk only nods once. “I get it.”

“Do you? I need you to know, I—I’m sorry. I’m lonely and I’m cruel and that’s not fair to you and I’m just trying…to be better…" Hyungwon grimaces and tangles his fingers in his own hair, tugging in frustration.

“Calm down, I understand what you’re saying.” Minhyuk exhales in mild amusement, reaching over to pull Hyungwon’s hand out of his own hair. He moves closer, his knee brushing against Hyungwon’s thigh.

“And about my parents, they did teach me. But I have a bad habit of not listening to people.” He gives Hyungwon a small, mischievous smile, snaking an arm behind Hyungwon’s shoulders and pulling gently. Hyungwon only stares dumbly up at Minhyuk, blinking in confusion as Minhyuk wraps his arms around him and pulls him to lean against his chest, head resting on Minhyuk’s shoulder. Hyungwon makes an indignant noise but slowly settles in Minhyuk’s loose grip. It feels nice, Minhyuk’s fingers coming up to card through Hyungwon’s hair. Hyungwon closes his eyes and feels peacefulness radiating out from Minhyuk’s soul, hears his heartbeat, just shy of too fast. Minhyuk smells like citrus and bourbon, and maybe Hyungwon’s just a _little_ drunk, but it feels so nice that it makes Hyungwon’s heart ache.

“You know,” Minhyuk leans closer, low voice brushing against Hyungwon’s ear, “you’ll do a lot better at trying to be nice if you stop assuming you’re the only lonely one around here. It’s a big world, Hyungwon. And it’s not nice to anyone. It certainly hasn’t been kind to me.”

Hyungwon’s gaze meets Minhyuk’s, confused. But when he looks deeper into Minhyuk’s eyes and reaches out with his abilities, he can feel it. Behind Minhyuk’s kindness and bright energy, there’s a quiet determination and a will of steel. The kind of things born of unkind experiences and a hard life. Hyungwon wants to reach farther, just to feel a little more. But it’s already an imposition to be probing; to dive even deeper would be beyond rude—

“Go on,” Minhyuk nods, “you can look.”

Hyungwon closes his eyes and looks a little deeper. And there, tamped down deep, is a small wisp of loneliness. Buried deep between other emotions Hyungwon doesn’t want to touch, that loneliness is small but achingly deep. It’s a wonder he didn’t notice it until now. But it seems there is much he doesn’t know about Minhyuk.

“Thank…you,” Hyungwon murmurs. Minhyuk brushes his fingers through Hyungwon’s hair gently, and Hyungwon can feel his quiet happiness bubble up.

“We’re still not friends yet,” Hyungwon adds halfheartedly, words muffled. Minhyuk rests his chin atop Hyungwon’s head, giving him a sad smile.

“I know. We’ll work on it.”

\---

Two weeks later, Hyungwon emerges from his bedroom with a yawn. If he can’t sleep, he might as well try to wake up and be productive. He blinks, seeing Minhyuk sitting at the table, hunched over mess of paper cutting spread over the surface. It’s 3 AM on a Saturday morning, much later than Minhyuk usually stays up.

“Minhyuk?” Hyungwon murmurs, his voice deep and scratchy with sleep. Minhyuk jumps, startled. He looks up and relaxes slightly.

“Hey.” He puts down his scissors. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry, I’ll try to be quieter.”

Hyungwon shakes his head slowly. “Nah, you didn’t.” He pads over to Minhyuk’s side and stares at the mass of papers. “What gives?”

“Seokwoo caught the flu yesterday, and he was supposed to finish the bulletin board set-up for this month’s theme. I have to have it done before 10 AM today, the 4th graders are borrowing our room for some science presentations this weekend and the District members are gonna come visit and it has to lookniceand I’m honestly gettingreallyconcerned with Seok’s choicein theme like is a spacethemereallythe best for March? I would thinkspringtheme or flowersor somethingbut he insis—”

“Got it.” Hyungwon holds up his hand, giving Minhyuk the chance to breathe. He considers the papers silently. Minhyuk sighs and fidgets for a moment before picking up a pair of scissors to meticulously cut at a piece of yellow construction paper. Hyungwon watches him and makes a move to turn back around and shuffle back to bed. He stops abruptly, remembering Minhyuk’s kindness to him that Saturday night. It would be proper to return the favor, wouldn’t it? He frowns to himself for a moment before stuttering out.

“Do you…want some help?”

Minhyuk’s head jerks up. “Thank god, I thought you would never ask.” He gestures at the chair next to him, before pushing a mound of yellow construction paper in his direction along with the scissors. Hyungwon silently takes a seat and carefully beginning to work on his task. Minhyuk plays music from his laptop, letting bright, indie rock tunes filter through the speakers as he hums along. Hyungwon catches himself nodding off a few times but shakes himself awake and diligently continues to cut out stars. After a while, he glances over and notices Minhyuk, his arms pillowed beneath his head as he dozes off. He looks even younger while asleep, lashes fanned against his cheeks and mouth open as he drools on his sleeve.

Hyungwon lets himself smile for just a moment before turning back to paper cutting. Luckily, materials for a 4th grade class aren’t too difficult to figure out, and Hyungwon finishes within the hour. When he’s cleaned up and recycled the scraps of construction paper, Hyungwon pushes the materials aside and lays his head down on his arms, letting his eyes close for a moment (or so he tells himself). He blinks awake when he hears the loud rustle of paper. A quick glance at the clock on the wall shows that the clock’s hands have ticked forward nearly 2 hours, and Minhyuk is now hastily gathering materials together.

“All good?” Hyungwon offers tentatively, hiding a yawn behind his hand.

“What? Oh yeah, great,” Minhyuk answers absently, fingers almost blurring with the speed at which he staples papers together. “Thank you so much for helping with this, you got a lot more done than I thought you would.”

“I’m not hopeless, you know.” Hyungwon props his head up with his fist, slouching in his seat as he yawns again.

“I know you aren’t. I just didn’t expect you to finish the entire thing when I dozed off,” Minhyuk hums, mind already elsewhere as he darts to the door. He juggles the papers piled in his arms while fumbling with the doorknob, trying to push the door open with his foot.

Hyungwon watches him before looking at the table, noticing Minhyuk’s phone and keys.

“Wait—” Hyungwon grabs them and walks them over to Minhyuk, hooking the keys on one of his fingers and depositing the phone in his palm.

“Ah, thank you” Minhyuk says, eyes trained on his phone as he turns it on. He absentmindedly moves, leaning towards Hyungwon.

Hyungwon’s eyes widen, having only a moment to take in Minhyuk’s face so close to his own. His heart stutters, for some odd reason, as he suddenly realizes he can count Minhyuk’s eyelashes, fanned against his cheek. He feels a gentle, dry brush of lips against his cheek. There one instant and gone the next. Hyungwon blinks and his eyes fall upon Minhyuk, who has frozen in panic. Their look at each other, eyes meeting in shock before darting away. Minhyuk quickly ducks his head, keeping his gaze firmly on his phone screen as his cheeks flush in mortification. Hyungwon feels his own cheeks heating up as well.

Minhyuk loud sigh blends into a nervous little laugh as he tentatively looks up at Hyungwon, offering him a smile. An embarrassed smile, but still warm and genuine and utterly Minhyuk.

“Thank you for your help, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon shrugs, gaze flicking down to his fingers as he desperately wills himself to stop blushing. “Of, of course, no problem.”

Minhyuk nods jerkily, rushing out a goodbye before darting out the door. Hyungwon draws his hand over his face, blinking a few times before shaking his head and heading back to bed.

\---

“So,” Kihyun says casually, peering over his menu at Hyungwon, “how’s it going with the roommate?”

Hyungwon shrugs, immersed in entree list. “Fine.”

You sure?” Kihyun runs his finger over the condensation of his water glass, smearing the droplets while giving Hyungwon a rather dubious look. “Last time we talked on the phone, you were absolutely livid, and you said you wanted to _kill_ him.”

Hyungwon’s eyes flick up to look at Kihyun, a brow raised. “I’ve…gotten used to it.”

“Really, now…” Kihyun hedges, lips pursed. His normally steady glow flickers at the edges, a tell-tale sign of Kihyun’s uncertainty. Hyungwon can feel his concern, as subtle as a freight train.

“Believe me,” Hyungwon scoffs, putting down his menu, “he can be a pain in the ass, and he’s loud and annoying and he’s always leaving crumbs everywhere. But he’s,” Hyungwon pauses, fingers absentmindedly worrying the edge of the menu, “he’s not… I don’t hate him.”

“Okay,” Kihyun says slowly, still unsure. Hyungwon sighs, propping his chin up with one hand as he looks at Kihyun with exasperated fondness.

“Seriously, it’s fine. You just worry too much.”

“It’s what I’m best at.” Kihyun leans back, arms crossed defensively over his chest.

“ _Kihyun_ ,” Hyungwon groans, slumping back into his seat. Kihyun shrugs, quickly turning around to hail the waiter. They both order, Kihyun leaning forward as soon as the waiter whisks their menus away.

“There’s no law against worrying.”

“You’re not wrong, I just have no idea what you’d even be worried about.”

Kihyun frowns, biting the inside of his mouth as he thinks. “You, I guess. I’m always worried about you.”

“You really don’t need to. Look, I was…kinda wrong about him.” Hyungwon’s mind inexplicably darts to yesterday morning, the gentle press of Minhyuk’s lips against his cheek—

He blinks, willing the image away to focus on Kihyun again.

Kihyun makes a skeptical noise. “Truly?”

Hyungwon sighs. “Yeah. I was angry and upset and I was used to you. He’s different and he _is_ a handful, but he’s good in his own way. He’s kind to me and, uh, calls me out when needed. So, I’m being accommodating with him. _Trying_ to, at least.”

“I see.” Kihyun frowns as Hyungwon tilts his head.

“You don’t have to worry this much, Ki. I’d tell you if something was wrong.”

“Would you?” Kihyun’s gaze darts up, a glint in his eye as he radiates a firm gold aura, a clear challenege. Hyungwon, feeling a flicker of relief at seeing such a familiar sight, only smirks back.

“Count on it.”

\---

“Hey!”

Hyungwon starts, looking up from his book as a figure with dark hair slides a cup of iced coffee across the table.

Hyungwon blinks, glancing at the drink. It’s his favorite.

“Minhyuk?”

“Yeah, it’s still me.” Minhyuk gives a rather sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You dyed your hair,” Hyungwon notes, tilting his head.

“Yeah,” Minhyuk shrugs, taking a seat and putting his own cup of coffee down. “I’ve been blond for a while and it’s fun, but I miss having dark hair and my friend said—” Minhyuk cuts off, giving an embarrassed laugh. “Does it look alright?”

Hyungwon regards his hair carefully. “Yeah, but you missed a spot.”

“You’re _kidding_?!” Minhyuk’s hands fly to his hair, eyes wide with panic. He slaps one hand over his crown as the other digs in his pocket for his phone, freezing as he hears Hyungwon’s stifled snort.

“Kidding.”

Minhyuk lets his hand slide off his head in relief. “Christ, you scared me.” He shakes his head and Hyungwon lets out a snicker, hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“It was funny.” Hyungwon props his chin up with his hand, eyes considering Minhyuk’s hair. Hyungwon’s gaze drops to meet his, and Minhyuk fidgets uncomfortably under Hyungwon’s stare.

“Is it okay?”

“It’s good. I like it better than blond,” Hyungwon says, turning back to his book and missing Minhyuk’s lips tugging into a small, content smile.

“That’s… I’m glad.”

\---

“This is dumb, Hyungwon. You’re so mean.” Minhyuk curls up under his blanket, eyes glazing over as he stares blankly at the TV screen.

It’s Saturday, which means it’s “movie night” (“Movie night, Hyungwon! I can’t believe you would forget movie night! It’s practically a tradition now!” “This is only the second time we’ve done this.” “A tradition!”). It’s yet another roommate-thing that Minhyuk’s roped Hyungwon into in the last however many months. Hyungwon’s found that he doesn’t mind the things Minhyuk cooks up as much as he did in the beginning. Especially when he can use it to his advantage. Especially when he can make Minhyuk suffer just a little bit.

“You wanted to watch a movie and you said I could pick. It was all _your_ dumb idea,” Hyungwon says calmly, grabbing some popcorn.

Minhyuk frowns, chewing morosely. “I thought you would pick a fun movie! You know, respect the laws of movie night and not pick a _documentary_.”

“Well then, you clearly don’t know me at all.” Hyungwon’s eyes carefully follow a gazelle leaping across the screen.

“Oh, I do know you. I also know any self-respecting person would never pick a damn National Geographic documentary.”

Hyungwon turns to Minhyuk, popping another piece of popcorn into his mouth. “You’re clearly overestimating the amount of respect I have for myself.”

“Oh, shut up, I know full well you think very highly of yourself. You just want to make me suffer.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re so _cruel_ ,” Minhyuk whines, shoving his toe into Hyungwon’s side. Hyungwon chokes on the popcorn, jerking to the side and slamming his hip into the couch arm as he doubles forward. Minhyuk bursts into giggles, a few kernels of popcorn spilling out of the bowl onto the floor as he shakes with laughter. Hyungwon coughs desperately into his fist for a minute or two, irritation clouding his gaze when he looks up at Minhyuk.

“If you would just _stop_ …” Hyungwon hisses, scooping up the fallen popcorn from the floor and depositing it on the table.

Minhyuk snorts at Hyungwon’s scowl. He does quiet down though, acquiescing by tucking his toes under Hyungwon’s thigh and leaning back into the couch.

“You _want_ me to stop?” Minhyuk looks at him through his lashes, a coy look that makes Hyungwon’s heart pound a little faster and his stomach clench in an odd, unexplainable way. Hyungwon says nothing, lips pursed together as he turns back to the TV.

Minhyuk grins at Hyungwon’s silence. “Didn’t think so.” He settles deeper into the couch and pulls his blanket around him as the gazelles on the screen cautiously lower their heads to take a sip of water.

\---

“You have to look nice.” Minhyuk grabs Hyungwon’s shoulders and steers him forcefully back into his bedroom.

“Why do _I_ have to look nice? They’re _your_ friends,” Hyungwon grumbles, throwing himself onto his bed. Minhyuk clicks his tongue and begins rifling through Hyungwon’s closet.

“Beeccause,” Minhyuk drawls, yanking a sweater out and throwing it at Hyungwon, “I want you to make a good impression.”

“You could have warned me earlier and I could have avoided giving an impression all together.” Hyungwon looks up from the bed, only to be slapped in the face with a pair of jeans.

“You’ll thank me later. Now get dressed, I need to continue cooking.” Minhyuk grins at Hyungwon before turning to saunter out into the hall.

“I feel like you’re lying to me,” Hyungwon grumbles, reaching out with his abilities to try and feel out Minhyuk’s emotions.

“Don’t even _try_ that, Chae Hyungwon! You won’t get anything out of it,” Minhyuk shouts in response to Hyungwon’s probing, his voice followed by the loud clanking of pans and glass mixing bowls hitting each other. Hyungwon scoffs, glancing at the clothes Minhyuk tossed at him. He throws them on haphazardly, tugging the sweater down as he moves out of his room and into the kitchen.

“Who’s coming anyway?” Hyungwon’s bare feet slap against the hardwood as he leans against the counter. Minhyuk turns, nose wrinkling at the state of Hyungwon’s clothes.

“I told you, just some friends.” Minhyuk reaches out, tugging at Hyungwon’s sweater so it sits well on his shoulders before turning back to the pan. The doorbell rings. Minhyuk lightly kicks Hyungwon in the shin, not even bothering to turn back around.

“Answer it, I need to get some stuff out of the oven.”

“You do everything so quickly, you don’t need me to answer the door,” Hyungwon grumbles on his way to the entrance, complying nonetheless as his fingers twist around the doorknob to open the door.

“Hyungwon!”

Hyungwon staggers back as someone barrels into him, arms wrapping tightly around his waist. He looks up to see Hoseok standing in the doorway, an amused grin on his face and a bag of food in his hand.

“Hoseok? Kihyun?” He looks down as Kihyun pulls away, glowing radiantly as he grins at Hyungwon.

“Miss us? God, it feels weird to be back.” Kihyun squeezes Hyungwon again before toeing off his shoes, taking the bag from Hoseok’s hands. “Where do you want the food, Minhyuk?”

“Table’s fine, we should be eating soon if everyone else is on time.” Minhyuk emerges from the kitchen, smelling strongly of fried rice. He grins at Hyungwon’s dumbfounded expression, beckoning Hoseok and Kihyun in.

“Thanks for coming, I know you guys are busy people.”

“I haven’t been too busy. It’s post-grad season so I just sit at home editing pictures all day.” Kihyun bumps shoulders with Minhyuk, shedding his jacket before following Minhyuk into the kitchen. Hyungwon blinks before turning to Hoseok, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Aren’t you _always_ busy?” Hyungwon pulls away, giving him a confused look.

“I make time when it’s important.” Hoseok flashes him a perfect smile, patting his shoulder.

“Oh, so _this_ is important, but getting lunch with me sometimes isn’t?” Hyungwon laments, exaggerating a frown. Hoseok rolls his eyes, shoving his finger into Hyungwon’s side. Hyungwon yelps, sliding away from him.

“Shut up. I promise we’ll get together sometime soon, Kihyun’s been nagging me about that too. But thanks for having us, Kihyun was worried that you and Minhyuk weren’t getting along.”

“I…we’re okay,” Hyungwon stutters out, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s good.” Hoseok gives him a gentle smile. Someone knocks at the door again, causing Minhyuk to come bounding out of the kitchen, chattering to Kihyun all the while.

“How many more?” Hyungwon inquires curiously.

“Just three.” Minhyuk opens the door, laughing happily as he encases the two people on the front step in a tight hug. He ushers them in, beaming and ruffling one man’s hair.

“Jooheon and Changkyun, my old roommates.”

“I’m Jooheon, nice to meet you all!” Jooheon dimples, waving. The man whose hair Minhyuk mussed up runs his fingers through his hair, elbowing Minhyuk playfully before nodding at everyone.

“I’m Changkyun, nice to meet you.” Changkyun smiles at everyone.

“Which one of you is Minhyuk’s roommate?” Changkyun steps up at Hyungwon’s nod, taking his hand and shaking it with a mock serious expression.

“My sincerest condolences.”

“ _Kyun_ ,” Minhyuk whines as the other man, Jooheon, snickers. A sudden gasp from Kihyun has everyone turning towards him.

“You have _flowers_ growing on you. Are you a descendant?” Kihyun’s eyes are wide as he stares. Jooheon looks over at Minhyuk nervously, fingers coming up to pluck a daisy from his shoulder.

“Yeah, um, I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable—”

“Are you kidding? We’re all descendants. That’s so cool!” Kihyun’s glow brightens as he moves closer. “Can I touch?”

“Of course, they grow faster if you talk to them.” Jooheon hands Kihyun the daisy, pulling his shirt back at the shoulder and conversing excitedly with Kihyun in undertones. Minhyuk turns to Changkyun, flinging an arm over his shoulder.

“Hyunwoo coming?”

“Yeah, he says training ran a little late, but he’ll be here soon.”

“Good.” They move into the kitchen as Kihyun pulls Hoseok over to discuss the flowers with Jooheon. A gentle hum of talking blankets the rooms, Minhyuk’s boisterous laughter ringing from the kitchen as Changkyun and Jooheon joke easily with everyone. Hyungwon stands in the middle of the room, watching everyone orbit around the room and interact with one another. He feels his lips tugging up as he hears Kihyun’s joyous laugh, his hand quickly coming up to cover his mouth. The happiness and love and comfort of familiar friends meeting again encases his senses. It feels so _nice_ , a small spot of warmth burying itself in Hyungwon’s chest and growing every moment. He starts as he feels a hand on his elbow.

“You okay?” Hyungwon turns to see Minhyuk looking at him, concern etched across his face.

“Yeah, it’s...it’s good.”

Minhyuk beams. “I’m glad.” His hand moves, curling over Hyungwon’s arm and squeezing gently. “I’m really glad.”

“Do you need any help?” Hyungwon murmurs, unconsciously leaning into Minhyuk’s touch. Minhyuk bumps his hip against Hyungwon’s and smiles even brighter.

“If you could help set the table, that would be great!” Minhyuk squeezes Hyungwon’s arm again, guiding him into the kitchen. Hyungwon moves to pick up silverware and dishes, jolting as he hears the doorbell ring.

“That must be Hyunwoo!” Minhyuk bounds out of the kitchen to the door. Hyungwon can feel Minhyuk’s exhilaration going through the roof; he follows curiously, his arm full of utensils and plates. Minhyuk yanks the door open in excitement. “Hyunwoo!” He wraps his arms around Hyunwoo’s neck, planting a loud kiss on his cheek. Hyungwon blinks rapidly in shock, turning around hastily to set the table.

“Fashionably late, how unlike you.” Changkyun grins, moving over and fist-bumping Hyunwoo before Jooheon comes up to give him a friendly slap on the back.

“I couldn’t help it, training went over.”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry.” Minhyuk smiles, turning to Hyungwon and beckoning him over. “Hyunwoo, this is my roommate, Hyungwon.

“Sohn Hyunwoo. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Hyunwoo says, extending his hand, which Hyungwon takes with some hesitation. Hyunwoo is intimidatingly well-built; Hyungwon feels like one wrong move and Hyunwoo would _crush_ him.

“I haven’t had the pleasure,” Hyungwon says, stepping back once they’ve let go of each other’s hands. He regards Hyunwoo carefully. “Minhyuk hasn’t told me anything about you, shame on him.”

Minhyuk snorts and kicks Hyungwon playfully. “Maybe I did, and you just weren’t listening, hm? Hyunwoo and I old friends.”

“Only a weirdo would say that about their ex,” Changkyun says teasingly, expertly dodging the half-heartedly slap Hyunwoo directs at him.

“Play nice,” Jooheon warns, though his lips twitch up in a smile.

“But it’s true!” Minhyuk pouts at Changkyun before turning to Hyungwon. “We’re better as friends, so it doesn’t matter.”

“I…see.” Hyungwon raises an eyebrow before turning his back on an indignantly spluttering Minhyuk, continuing to set the table.

“ _Mean_ ,” Minhyuk whines, shaking his head and bounding back into the kitchen, pulling Hyunwoo along with him. Hyungwon lets out a quiet exhale, stomach clenching as he sets down a pair of chopsticks. An odd feeling of disappointment sweeps his mind, a feeling he viciously bats down. Maybe he had just been imagining the idea that Minhyuk had been slowly getting closer to him in these past weeks. Maybe Hyungwon had just been projecting this new progression in their friendship (the kind of mild affection you feel for a new friend that accepts you, the kind of affection that makes you oddly protective of your special friendship) onto Minhyuk. Maybe he’s just ove—

“—verthinking things?” Hyungwon jolts as he feels Kihyun nudge him in the side. “You can’t be having that much trouble deciding where to place that spoon, right?”

“No, uh, I—” Hyungwon drops the spoon, straightening up. “No, just…thinking, y’know?”

Kihyun hums, tilting his head and giving Hyungwon an indecipherable look before stepping away. Hyungwon sighs, heartrate slowing as he finishes placing the silverware down. Food is quickly pulled from various containers and distributed, the cheerful click of utensils against the ceramic dishes soon the most prominent sound in the room. But as soon as Minhyuk starts berating Changkyun for being so skinny all while putting more chicken on his plate, the murmur of conversation swells to overlap the sound of eating. Hyungwon nearly smiles at his plate, letting the warm tones of everyone’s voices and emotions wash over him.

Hyungwon’s gaze falls upon Kihyun, who tilts his head and gives Hyungwon a happy grin as he glows gently. Hyungwon feels the corners of his lips pull up as he turns to catch Minhyuk’s eye. Minhyuk doesn’t see his glance, entirely too caught up in an animated conversation with Hyunwoo. The piece of broccoli pinched between Minhyuk’s chopsticks is all but forgotten as he leans closer to him, whispering something in Hyunwoo’s ear that causes him to smile more widely than Hyungwon has seen the entire evening.

Hyungwon feels his heart sink, mouth pinching into a slight frown. He looks down at his plate, willing his face to smooth into a blank, neutral expression as he mechanically brings a bite of rice to his mouth. He keeps his gaze trained carefully on the corner of Jooheon’s plate as he chews, trying his best not betray his distress. He reaches out, ever so discreetly. It’s…wrong, almost. But he has to know.

Minhyuk feels like the usual happy excitement. But there is something more… an intense affection, the kind of warmth Hyungwon’s only ever garnered from Kihyun and Hoseok and other couples he brushes past on the streets. His heart sinks even further at these implications.

_Why does it even matter? Minhyuk isn’t anything more than a friend...But…_

He blinks twice, pulling himself with effort back into following the conversations around him. As he raises his gaze, Hoseok tilts his head and catches Hyungwon’s eye.

 _You okay?_ Hoseok mouths carefully at Hyungwon, his gaze concerned. Hyungwon subtly jerks his head in a way that he hopes will convey _I’m fine, just tired_ , instead of the more accurate _I’m upset by how Minhyuk’s acting with Hyunwoo and I wish I knew why._

Hoseok seems to accept his nod, shooting him a small smile before turning to whisper under his breath to Kihyun. Hyungwon scoops up a bite of tofu, gaze flicking over to Minhyuk almost automatically. Minhyuk is still looking at Hyunwoo, eyes trained on him as though he is the only person in the room. Hyungwon quickly looks away, willing the clenching feeling in his stomach to just go _away_.

When the meal begins to wind down, Hyungwon quickly takes the most opportune moment to get up and collect dishes to take to the kitchen. Everyone thanks him graciously as Minhyuk laughs in delight.

“Ah, Hyungwon, when did you become so polite?” Minhyuk’s hand falls on Hyungwon’s wrist and squeezes briefly as a gesture of thanks when Hyungwon passes by him.

“Since you invited guests into our apartment.” Hyungwon gives him a smile, but it feels tight and unnatural. He quickly moves to the kitchen, setting plates and utensils into the sink as he tries to viciously push away the sinking feeling in his stomach and the thoughts plaguing his mind.

“Hyungwon.” Hyungwon’s gaze flicks up, stomach sinking as he sees Hyunwoo standing in the doorway. Hyungwon schools his expression into one of neutrality, not even daring to feel Hyunwoo out.

“Hyunwoo.”

“Do you need any help?” Hyunwoo begins walking forward. Hyungwon feels the odd urge to shield the dishes from his sight.

“I think I can manage.” Hyungwon picks up the sponge, turning to scrub viciously at a plate.

“Let me help,” Hyunwoo interjects (almost gently, though Hyungwon could be imagining things), picking up a soapy dish and rinsing it off before putting it in the dish rack. They work in silence, laughter and conversation drifting in from the living room.

“Hyungwon.” Hyungwon hums in acknowledgement, turning his head slightly.

Hyunwoo rinses a plate, stopping to turn off the water. “I just wanted to say thank you for being good to Minhyuk. He really likes you, he’s always talking about you. I…” He pauses, a little furrow appearing between his eyebrows. “I’m glad you two are getting along, you’re good for each other.”

“Oh, that’s…good to hear.”

“He’s happier now, and you’ve helped in grow a little more. I just wanted to thank you for that.” Hyunwoo wipes his hands and tosses the dish towel at Hyungwon.

“It’s weird to say this, but…” Hyungwon dries his hands absentmindedly, “he’s helped me too. It’s been good, I’m glad we’ve become friends.”

“That’s…good.” Hyunwoo hooks the dishtowel back in its proper place, turning back and giving Hyungwon a look. The kind of look that says _I know something you don’t know_. The kind of look that makes Hyungwon very, _very_ nervous. Hyungwon briefly feels the air and there’s a sense of nervousness hovering that makes Hyungwon want to run away, _now_. Hyunwoo opens his mouth before his eyes flicker over to the doorway and his lips close resolutely. Hyungwon turns toward the doorway in confusion (and a flicker of annoyance, he _hates_ knowing someone knows something that he doesn’t)

“You all are so slow, I was getting worried someone had drowned in the sink.” Minhyuk leans against the doorframe, smiling in amusement. He bounds over to where they stand at the sink, linking arms with Hyungwon and grabbing Hyunwoo’s hand. Hyungwon looks away from their joined hands, jaw clenching slightly.

“Everyone is heading out, they all have an early day tomorrow. And so do you two, on second thought.” Minhyuk bumps his hip against Hyunwoo’s, dragging them out to the doorway.

“I thought you’d stay longer, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun says as he tugs his jacket on with Hoseok’s help. “Minhyuk says it’s been awhile since you guys have hung out, what with your training and all.”

“It has, but we usually meet up once training has died down a little. Besides, I don’t like to get home too late.” Hyunwoo shrugs, pulling his jacket on.

Changkyun nudges Hyunwoo playfully. “Can’t keep your girlfriend waiting, can we?”

 _Girlfriend?_ Confusion, then relief floods Hyungwon’s sense.

“She’s a cool girl. Hey, you invite her next time!” Jooheon declares, grinning at Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo smiles, straightening up as he finishes putting on his shoes. “I’ll ask her when she’s free.”

\---

As they clean up the room and pack leftover food into containers, Hyungwon mulls over the events of the evening. It’d been wonderful to see his friends and to have them mingle and enjoy their time with Minhyuk’s friends. Hyungwon has to admit, he feels pleasantly satisfied with the evening’s unexpected turnout. But that odd feeling he’d had the moment Minhyuk had touched Hyunwoo; now that was definitely a new experience. Could he give a name to it?

 _Should_ he give a name to it?

Disappointment, maybe… or jealousy?

Hyungwon scoffs to himself, snapping the lid onto a Tupperware container of fruit.

He’s is willing to admit that he has some kind of friendly affection for Minhyuk, but that kind of “friend” jealousy is definitely _not_ what he felt tonight. He’d experienced that before, when Kihyun met Hoseok and they began to become closer in a way that Hyungwon couldn’t keep up with. No, if Hyungwon felt jealous tonight, it was of a different kind. A more intense kind.

“Hyungwon!”

Hyungwon starts, nearly dropping the fruit. “Wh—what?”

“I can _hear_ you thinking. Don’t think too hard or you’ll give yourself a headache,” Minhyuk snickers from the kitchen, arms deep in a sink of soapy water. Hyungwon scowls, moving to the kitchen and shoving the fruit into the fridge.

“I’m fine, thank you very much.”

“Are you? You spaced out a lot more than usual during dinner, maybe you need to take a big long rest.” Minhyuk grins at Hyungwon’s indignant expression.

“I’m fine, no need to insult me.” Hyungwon closes the fridge.

His mind jumps to the memories welling up, fragments playing before his eyes. Minhyuk’s lips brushing against Hyungwon’s cheeks and then his shy but genuine smile from all those weeks ago. Minhyuk linking his arm with Hyungwon and playfully bumping his hip as they talked this evening in low, quiet voices. But then…Minhyuk’s hand resting on Hyunwoo’s shoulder, lips inches away from Hyunwoo’s ear as he whispers something private to him. 

Hyungwon grits his teeth.

Every time Minhyuk presses up against Hyunwoo, or wraps his arm around him, Hyungwon can’t decide whether he wants to bat Minhyuk’s hand away or grab his hand to link their fingers together. Hyungwon suddenly freezes, this admission turning the blood in his veins to ice.

Link their fingers together? _What??_

Thinking about Minhyuk, his roommate, in that kind of way is crazy, insane, _unacceptable_. Not to mention how much Minhyuk gets on his nerves. His constant noise and prying nature, everything about him is the antithesis of things Hyungwon looks for in a basic friend. Things between them could never work out. Ever. But… In quickly dismissing this notion of how they could become more, Hyungwon feels something hollow in the pit of his stomach. As annoying as Minhyuk can sometimes be, there’s just…something about him that always pulls Hyungwon closer. Maybe it’s his childlike curiosity, or his overwhelming belief in the good in people. Or maybe it’s just the kindness and care he’s shown Hyungwon in their time together, despite how mean Hyungwon can be. Whatever it is that keeps Hyungwon in Minhyuk’s orbit, it doesn’t really matter. All Hyungwon knows is that this…whatever he has with Minhyuk, it’s something that he can’t throw away that easily. Surprisingly enough, it’s something that Hyungwon wants to seek out.

Minhyuk is special, Hyungwon can feel it. Hyungwon _knows_ it. To not even try to pursue something with Minhyuk feels wrong. But can he do this? Does he have enough strength of will and heart to give something like this his all? All the trying Hyungwon has done in his life, trying to fit in, trying to make friends, trying to work harder, be better…it’s only ever hurt him. That’s the lesson that life has taught him. Can Minhyuk be enough to make him try again?

A towel slaps against Hyungwon’s back and he starts in surprise, whipping around.

“Are you even in this dimension right now? You seem so out of it.” Minhyuk smiles playfully, face slowly falling into a more serious expression as he reaches out to touch Hyungwon’s shoulder.

“Are you okay? You seem upset. Did I overstep my boundaries—”

“No!” Hyungwon shakes his head vehemently. “No, you…didn’t do anything wrong at all. I just, uh, wanted to…thank you. For everything.”

“Oh.” Minhyuk seems surprised, blinking rapidly before an uncharacteristically soft smile graces his lips. “It was really nothing at all. Kihyun was worried about you and, well…” Minhyuk fidgets with the dishtowel. “So was I.”

“Why would you be?”

Minhyuk shrugs. “When we…talked awhile back, you said you were always lonely. And, living with you all this time, you struck me as the type of person to, um, not…do anything about it? To not bother your friends because you don’t want to inconvenience them or something. Because you think you’re, like, a burden or something? Which you are _not_ ,” Minhyuk says hurriedly, earnestly, like a panicked reassurance. “You know? I just was…worried.”

Minhyuk drapes the dishtowel onto the counter, reaching out to place his hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder. He looks up at him, eyes shining. Hyungwon can feel his nervousness, but also the encouraging feeling Minhyuk tries to project.

“You… you don’t,” Hyungwon says, pausing and licking his lips nervously. Minhyuk’s eyes follow every movement with intense focus. “You shouldn’t need to, um, worry about me.”

“Won’t stop me from doing so.” Minhyuk exhales a breathy laugh, gaze flitting away as his fingers curl against the fabric of Hyungwon’s shirt. Hyungwon feels like his sense are shutting down, narrowing all energy and focus to the feel of Minhyuk’s skin so close to his. The humming sound of the fridge and the steady _drip_ of the faucet feel muffled as Hyungwon grasps desperately for the next step.

He should pull away, place some respectful distance between him and Minhyuk, as friends do. But he doesn’t want to pull away; this all feels strangely right. Hyungwon pauses for a moment before raising his hand and placing it over Minhyuk’s, tentatively lacing their fingers together. He lifts Minhyuk’s hand, turning it over, palm up, so that it rests in his grip. Minhyuk looks up, tilting his head. He isn’t shocked, but he is curious, Hyungwon can feel that.

With quick and desperate thought of _Fuck it_ , Hyungwon leans down and presses a quick kiss to the center of Minhyuk’s palm. “Thank you for thinking of me,” he murmurs, gaze darting away as his cheeks flush.

Minhyuk starts, surprised. “Hyungwon—”

A loud knock startles both of them into springing apart from each other. Minhyuk blinks once, twice. He gives Hyungwon an almost longing look before rushing to the door, practically throwing it open. Hyungwon closes his eyes, taking a steadying breath before moving from the kitchen to the front door. He passes Changkyun, who gives Hyungwon a sheepish smile as he slips past him into the kitchen.

“—forgot his keys, like an _idiot_ ,” Jooheon says, rolling his eyes with a touch of familiar fondness. Minhyuk laughs, but Hyungwon can hear the slight note of strain in his voice. Jooheon must hear it too, as he raps his knuckles against the doorframe in a slightly more urgent matter.

“Changkyun? Found it yet?”

“Nah, nah, it’s, uh…somewhere…couch? Might be…the couch…” Changkyun trails off, head mashed into the couch cushions. Hyungwon makes a move to help Changkyun, eyes darting over to see Minhyuk’s and Jooheon’s heads bent together. Jooheon’s eyes widen, gaze flicking over to meet Hyungwon’s. He can feel the surprise radiating from Jooheon.

Hyungwon turns away quickly, kneeling next to Changkyun as he thrusts his hand between the couch cushions. They dig about fruitlessly until Changkyun makes a small triumphant noise, holding up his keys. Hyungwon watches from the corner of his eye as Jooheon and Minhyuk move away from each other.

Changkyun trots over to the doorway. “Got it!”

“Yes, yes, good,” Jooheon almost babbles, grabbing Changkyun’s arm, “Sorry about the inconvenience, we’ll talk soon yeah?”

“Jooheon—” The door slams shut, leaving Minhyuk and Hyungwon standing next to each other in silence.

The floorboard creaks as Hyungwon shifts his weight. Minhyuk stiffens, looking up from the floor into Hyungwon’s face. Their eyes meet for a moment before Minhyuk looks away skittishly. Hyungwon can feel the air, heavy with nervousness and uncertainty. Mostly Minhyuk’s but admittedly some of Hyungwon’s too.

“Well, uh, g—good night!” Minhyuk chirps in a panicked, happy voice. He bobs his head in Hyungwon’s general direction before fleeing down the hall, door shutting behind him.

Hyungwon stares after him into the dark hallway, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, God.”

\---

They don’t talk about it. It’s as though nothing happened, a hazy dream conjured up in the wake of such a wonderful evening. In many ways, Hyungwon is grateful. He doesn’t know what he would even say if Minhyuk brought it up, his mind so jumbled with the realization of “What the fuck, I think I have a crush on my roommate??” Everything regarding that is wrapped in a fog of confusion in his mind.

So Hyungwon settles for the status quo, with Minhyuk bounding around the apartment in all the glory of his endless energy, noisy and boisterous as always. The only difference from before is that now, late at night when he can’t seem to shut his brain off, this thoughts always seem to wander to Minhyuk. Nothing seems to have changed on Minhyuk’s side either, until about a week later, when Minhyuk is curled up on the couch and Hyungwon is sitting on the floor, tapping away at his laptop resting on the coffee table. Some B-rated action movie plays on the TV screen, the sound on low as building explode and bodies fly.

“He’s Athena’s descendant.”

“Hm?” Hyungwon hums absently, fingers typing away incessantly.

“Hyunwoo. I call him Shownu sometimes. I gave him the nickname.”

Hyungwon blinks, saving his work before turning around to meet Minhyuk’s somewhat sleepy gaze. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Shownu’s smart.”

“Mm.” Hyungwon looks down, picking at an unraveling thread on the couch. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“It doesn’t.” Minhyuk’s gaze flicks to the TV screen, and Hyungwon turns back to his laptop. A beat of silence passes before Minhyuk lets out an exhale.

Hyungwon twitches. “What.”

“You clam up when the conversation has anything to do with Shownu.”

“And?” Hyungwon turns around again, his voice carrying a note of defensiveness. “I don’t know the guy. I have nothing to say.”

“You technically don’t know any more about Shownu than you do Jooheon, or Changkyunnie.”

“Well, maybe I clicked a little more with Jooheon and Changkyun. I don’t know, Hyunwoo showed up late to the party.”

“Not that much later. And you spent more time with him alone than the others.” Minhyuk wheedles, now wide-awake.

A muscle in Hyungwon’s jaw jumps. “And?”

“And nothing.” Minhyuk shifts, tucking his hand under his cheek.

Hyungwon’s eyes narrow. “What the _fuck_ are you getting at?” He hisses.

“You don’t like him.” Minhyuk says softly, dipping his chin down slightly and regarding Hyungwon with wide eyes. Hyungwon can feel Minhyuk’s dejection crystal clear; his stomach sinks.

“I…” Hyungwon sighs. He pushes his fingers through his hair before pinching the bridge of his nose briefly. “I don’t—”

“Why don’t you like him?” Minhyuk says, even quieter.

“Why don’t I—I barely know the man. I haven’t even decided how I feel about him yet!” Hyungwon’s hand waves through the air in frustration.

“But you get a little…” Minhyuk props himself up on his elbow and reaches up, the pad of his finger brushing against the skin between Hyungwon’s eyes and above his nose. Hyungwon stiffens as Minhyuk’s finger runs feather-light down the bridge of his nose. “You scrunch up there when I call him Shownu.”

“So?” Hyungwon pulls away slightly, blinking a few times.

“You only do that when you’re upset. Or when you don’t like something. ”

“It’s nothing, I don’t care about him or whateve—” Hyungwon freezes again, eyes locking on Minhyuk’s expression. He tentatively feels the air again; Minhyuk’s gloominess is gone. All he can feel is a sense of curiosity and…

“You, you were experimenting. Testing me,” Hyungwon sputters out. “That’s why you keep using his nickname all of a sudden.”

The corner of Minhyuk’s lip twitches up. “Maybe.”

Hyungwon scoffs, turning and shutting his laptop. He makes a move to leave, freezing as Minhyuk grabs his wrist.

“Why? Why don’t you like him?”

“Does it _matter_?” Hyungwon scowls at Minhyuk. Minhyuk sits up straighter, his grip shifting on Hyungwon’s wrist so that his thumb can rub up and down against Hyungwon’s pulse. Hyungwon suppresses a shiver.

“I want to know if you have any objections to my friends.”

Hyungwon’s mouth tightens. “I have none. They’re all good people.”

Minhyuk tilts his head. “Then what gives?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.” Hyungwon pulls again, Minhyuk acquiescing as his grip loosens on Hyungwon’s wrist. “And for future reference, I don’t like being _experimented_ on.”

“Hyungwo—”

“Good _night_.” Hyungwon marches down the hall to his room and quickly enters, closing his bedroom door. He leans against it before sinking to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

Minhyuk, testing him. Experimenting on him, like some kind of toy, for entertainment. That doesn’t sit well with him at all. Had trying, for Minhyuk, been a mistake? Should he have let it pass, to protect himself?

Hyungwon shakes his head, scrubbing at his face with his hands. Minhyuk is a good person, it must have been a mistake, a fluke. These bad feelings will pass.

He hopes.

\---

Bad day, bad day, _bad day_.

Hyungwon sits in the tub in the dark, shivering as water sloshes around him and his clothes cling heavily to his body. His teeth chatter, fingers trembling as they grip the edge of the bathtub. It’d been a bad day the moment he opened his eyes at 4AM, unable to sleep after a jumbled nightmare of screaming judges, hauntingly empty courtrooms, and Minhyuk. Minhyuk circling Hyungwon, spitting harsh insults of Hyungwon’s character while praising Hyunwoo.

 _You’ll never be enough, not like him_.

 _That_ had definitely woken Hyungwon up, thoughts heavy and head spinning. Minhyuk’s actions of a few days ago have been weighing heavily on Hyungwon’s thoughts, heavier than he thought any of Minhyuk’s actions could. He’d thought things had been going well. Even with the uncertainty of their current…relationship, things had been fine. Good, even. But being toyed with crosses the line.

Hyungwon knows it was probably harmless curiosity. Minhyuk is far from perfect; he’s human, for the most part, complete with flaws. And yet…what he’d done cut deep. Deeper than something that could be brushed aside. Hyungwon sighs, drawing a finger over the surface of the water. Everything is so complicated with Minhyuk. Emotions he thought he’d buried deep enough for protection always push to the surface when Minhyuk is involved. Affection, longing, jealousy. These feelings swirl tightly in Hyungwon’s chest, ready to burst out at only a crook of Minhyuk’s finger. But Minhyuk is a fickle creature, teasing and touching and then pulling back.

On some days all Hyungwon can read in Minhyuk’s movements (the uneven blink of his eyes, the brushing of his finger against the table, the tap of his foot against Hyungwon’s) is _yes, yes, yes_. His emotions follow suit, bursts of joy and excitement surrounding Hyungwon, reeling him into Minhyuk’s inescapable orbit.

Other days, only a brief, careless _maybe_.

And then there are days where Hyungwon can only helplessly watch Minhyuk turn away to smile brightly at someone better, someone like Hyunwoo. Those days are the worst. Those are the days where all Hyungwon can hear in his head is _no, never this, never you_. It hurts more than Hyungwon thought it would.

Ever since Minhyuk came around, everything feels like _too much_. All the time. Minhyuk’s emotions are always pushing at Hyungwon’s sense, overwhelming and demanding. Hyungwon feels more than he wants, more intensely than he’s used to; not just Minhyuk’s emotions, but his own to. Minhyuk seems to bring that out in him. He wishes…

Hyungwon sighs and lets himself sink back slowly, water rushing over his face as he falls deeper into the tub. He sometimes wishes he could retreat, back to safer ground. Back to where things don’t hurt as much, where Minhyuk’s words and actions don’t weigh so heavily. Where things are uncomplicated.

It’s blissfully calm in the tub, little sounds amplified in water barely registering in his mind. Hyungwon lets out his breath, feeling bubbles leave his mouth and float the surface as he closes his eyes. It’s cold and he feels odd, like he’s being jolted awake but on the verge of falling asleep at the same time. It’s…nice. Even if he can feel his chest constricting and his head spinning at the lack of air, it’s quiet, calm. Hyungwon doesn’t like to admit it, but it’s easier to handle everything like this. There’s no room for complex thoughts or feelings, his or Minhyuk’s. It’s nice.

Until he feels something grip his wrist, vice-hard. Hyungwon panics and inhales, choking and struggling viciously only to be yanked out of the water into the blinding bathroom lights.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Minhyuk spits out, absolutely _livid_. Hyungwon coughs desperately, hacking out water as squints, vision blurred. Minhyuk grabs his shoulder, shaking him.

“What the actual fuck is your _problem_?” Minhyuk growls, eyes flashing dangerously. The pure fury of Minhyuk’s emotions bowl over Hyungwon’s senses like a wave. He feels dizzy, eyes darting over Minhyuk’s figure to find something to focus on, desperate for an anchor.

His gaze latches onto the water. There’s water all over Minhyuk’s shirt and on the floor and somehow water in his hair, the wet strands hanging over his eyes. Minhyuk’s hands grip Hyungwon’s wrist and shoulder so tightly that Hyungwon knows it’ll bruise come morning.

“It was too _much_ , I just needed a break,” Hyungwon mumbles, scrabbling at Minhyuk’s hand. His grip only tightens and pain flares in Hyungwon’s wrist.

“What kind of fucking excuse is that—” Minhyuk scoffs.

“Minhyuk, let go, it’s too tight—”

“You’re _so_ irresponsible—”

“Minhyuk—” Hyungwon bats at hand more insistently.

“Just because you’re a descendant of Hades doesn’t mean you can just try to _off_ yourself whenever—”

“Let _go_ , you’re hurting me!” Hyungwon snaps, yanking his wrist from Minhyuk’s grip and glaring at him. Water sloshes over the rim of the bathtub, smacking wetly against the floor.

“I, I’m so sorry…” Minhyuk says quietly, reaching out. Hyungwon backs himself against the wall of the tub, holding his wrist and glaring.

“Why? Do you even _care_?

Minhyuk rears back as if he’s been slapped, looking up at Hyungwon in shock. “I—"

“You didn’t seem to have any consideration for how I feel until _now_.”

“That’s not true—” Minhyuk shakes his head insistently.

Hyungwon scoffs. “If you’re so upset with me, go talk to _Shownu_ or something. _He_ won’t mind being a source of your entertainment, will he?”

“That’s not,” Minhyuk sputters out, expression indignant.

“Just get out.”

“But—”

“Get. _Out_.” Hyungwon holds his gaze until Minhyuk drops his head, mumbling another apology before backing out and shutting the door. Hyungwon exhales, falling against the rim of the tub and slouching down into the water. He brings his hand to his mouth, muffling the choked sounds that tear themselves from his throat as he slouches against the tub wall. Hyungwon moves his to cover his eyes, resolutely telling himself that the tears rolling down his face are just bath water.

\---

After that, things are cold and awkward in a very weird way. Hyungwon sometimes feels unspeakable anger towards Minhyuk for his actions. But then he is reminded of the fact that what he said to Minhyuk was just as terrible. He supposes Minhyuk feels the same way; Minhyuk brushes past him in taciturn silence, but when their eyes meet, his gaze always skitters away nervously.

But the worst part isn’t the anger. It’s that it feels wrong, _unnatural_ not to have Minhyuk chattering in Hyungwon’s ear while he burns eggs for breakfast, or to have his voice trailing helplessly behind him as he rushes out the door, always late for some engagement. Hyungwon misses it all. It felt as though he was working for so long for peace and quiet; now that he has it, he inexplicably wants nothing more than to revert it.

Sometimes, Hyungwon reaches out with his empathetic abilities, just to feel some sense of normalcy around Minhyuk. But he can never get more of a hint of feeling before Minhyuk quickly bottles himself up. He’s gotten weirdly good at doing that since they started all…this.

\---

Hyungwon’s eyes flick up, watching the door open as Minhyuk tiptoes in, takeout bag in hand. Their eyes meet and Minhyuk’s gaze darts away. He looks down resolutely, toeing off his shoes and fidgeting the whole way to the kitchen under Hyungwon’s stare. He places the bag down on the counter and turns, about to step out.

“Minhyuk.”

Minhyuk freezes. “Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon presses his lips together before sighing. “Can we… talk?”

“Do you _really_ want to?” His caustic tone cuts through the air, back still to Hyungwon. But Hyungwon can feel the hint of fear beneath it all.

“No but we need to.”

Minhyuk’s back remains stubbornly facing Hyungwon.

“ _Minhyuk_ ,” Hyungwon hisses, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Just… _work_ with me!”

Minhyuk whirls around. “ _Should_ I? You seem to believe I only think about Hyunwoo, why should I bother with you?”

“Fuck, I’m sorry! Okay?” Hyungwon stands so quickly his chair tips over. “I’m sorry I said that, I’m sorry I insulted Hyunwoo!” He rubs his face with his hands, pressing his fingers into his forehead. He lifts his head, meeting Minhyuk’s angry gaze.

“I…I said some really shitty things. I know that,” he says, haltingly.

“Do you?” Minhyuk challenges.

Hyungwon starts. “Wh—yeah I do! I’ve been thinking about it all week! As I’m sure you have too!” He snaps out before sighing, shaking his head. “Just…talk to me, Minhyuk. Please.”

Minhyuk tilts his head, considering, before carefully placing himself in the chair across the table from Hyungwon. Hyungwon fixes the chair and sits down and they stare at each other for a moment; then, Minhyuk huffs, head dipping down a bit.

“I hate that you apologized first, just a little bit. What you said to me isn’t nearly as bad as what I did and said to you.”

Hyungwon frowns. “You don’t—I don’t care about _who_ was worse. I just…wanna know why.”

“Why I treated you the way I did?” Minhyuk shrugs, almost too casual. “I was…concerned. That you didn’t like Hyunwoo. But I also…” He pauses, considering Hyungwon’s face.

“I’d never seen you act like that before. Jealous, almost. I was…curious.”

“You could have asked,” Hyungwon says flatly.

Minhyuk shrugs again. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you don’t strike me as the type to be forthcoming with that.”

Hyungwon’s eyes narrow. “And? If I don’t want to tell you then you should respect my choices, shouldn’t you?”

Minhyuk makes an annoyed noise under his breath, fingers twitching. “God…I know, I _know_ ,” He sighs, defeated as he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “You’re right.”

“Can I ask—”

“I get pushy, okay? When I get…worried. About how you’re doing, but a lot of…how you feel about me?”

Hyungwon makes a questioning noise, eyebrows raised.

Minhyuk huffs, waving a hand absently. “It’s…embarrassing. You…I paid a bit of attention and you didn’t react well to Hyunwoo. I thought it might be you didn’t like him, but a bit of me thought… what if it was something more, like jealousy? So, because of my curiosity, I pried.”

“You really could’ve just asked,” Hyungwon says quietly.

Minhyuk barks out a laugh. “And if I asked? You would’ve laughed at me and said no because I’m pathetic and lonely or something and I don’t deserve—”

“ _Minhyuk_.” Hyungwon leans forward, ducking his head to catch Minhyuk’s gaze. Their eyes meet and Hyungwon can feel panicked embarrassment radiating from Minhyuk, his shoulders hunched defensively.

“I’d never say that. I’m sorry I made you think I’d be that cruel.”

“Ah, I know you really wouldn’t,” Minhyuk shrugs, a bit of embarrassed flush coloring his cheeks, “It just feels that way sometimes. You’re not the easiest person to read, you know.”

Hyungwon nods slowly. “That’s…fair. I get it. Not saying what you did is okay, but I do understand.”

“God, I know. I’m sorry Hyungwon,” Minhyuk says quietly, dejected

“I know,” Hyungwon reassures, “I’m sorry too.”

Minhyuk nods before he tilts his head, eyeing Hyungwon carefully. “And…about the bathtub.”

“What about it?” Hyungwon says, feigning ignorance.

Minhyuk huffs out an exhale in frustration. “Can you promise not to do that again?”

Hyungwon stares back silently. Minhyuk exhales again, pushing his hair back with one hand.

“Look…I, I care about you a lot, okay? And I know that you’re dealing with things that are harder than I can comprehend. But seeing you, like that…it was horrible. I don’t, I don’t want to see you in danger, much less danger you’re inflicting on yourself.” Minhyuk reaches out tentatively, his fingers touching the back of Hyungwon’s hand.

“Can we…can we try to work something out with that?”

Hyungwon looks up at Minhyuk and sees his pleading expression, something he has never seen in such a serious context. Coupled with the worry and fear he can feel coursing through Minhyuk’s emotions, it’s clear that what Minhyuk witnessed had truly rattled him.

Hyungwon hesitantly lifts his hand, linking his fingers carefully with Minhyuk’s. “Yeah, I’ll…I’m sorry for frightening you. I’ll try to be better about it. Maybe see someone about it? I’ve thought about that before.”

Minhyuk’s fingers tighten around Hyungwon’s for a moment before relaxing. “Thank you. Truly.” Hyungwon nods, and they settle in a moment of comfortable silence.

“So…we’re okay?”

Hyungwon nods again. “We’re good.”

“Then…can I ask what’s up with how you feel about Hyunwoo?” Minhyuk’s expression is guarded, but hopeful.

Hyungwon sighs, carefully pulling his hand from Minhyuk’s grip and rising from the table. “No, but you can try again later and see if I’m feeling more charitable.”

“ _Hyungwon_ ,” Minhyuk whines. Hyungwon feels Minhyuk’s curiosity, overwhelmingly persistent, pushing against his senses. Hyungwon bites down his frustration, schooling his expression before turning carefully to Minhyuk.

“Look can we…drop that for now? I don’t, I’ve said a lot today, a lot more than I’m used to. And,” Hyungwon rubs the back of his neck, lips twisted in a frown, “I’m still trying to sort out how I feel about the whole thing. I need time and space. To think about it.”

“Ah, yeah that’s true. I,“ Minhyuk cuts himself off, nodding. “Sorry, I’ll work on that.”

“I know. I appreciate it.” Hyungwon says, giving him a wan smile. And he does, really. They don’t talk about the “incident” and the subsequent apology anymore, but they do both try their best in the following weeks. It’s not perfect. They struggle still, stepping on each other’s toes both physically and emotionally. But they grow and improve. And things are alright.

\---

Minhyuk tilts the umbrella back, a jubilant smile forming as the rain falls against his face. He seems to bloom before Hyungwon’s eyes, face opening like a flower as he basks in the rain. Something so small and insignificant, and yet, Minhyuk acts as though it is the best thing in the world. It’s endearing. It makes Hyungwon want to lace their fingers together, want to twirl Minhyuk in his arms, pull Minhyuk close to him.

It also makes Hyungwon want to scream.

The feelings that well up in Hyungwon’s heart for Minhyuk are new, constant, and terrifying. He’s never felt anything like this before; and yet, Hyungwon wants more. He wants to see more of Minhyuk, his good and bad sides, and get to know it all. Hyungwon frowns at Minhyuk’s back, his chest tightening. His throat feels constricted, his feelings unable to form into words that he can say out loud.

 _Say something, you_ coward, his mind taunts. _Say what you mean, tell him how you feel._ Hyungwon’s mouth opens, meaningful words lodged in his throat.

“You’re going to get sick,” Hyungwon calls out instead, tamping down his inner turmoil. Minhyuk casually flips him off, eyes sparkling as he catches Hyungwon’s gaze.

“I didn’t know you cared.”

“I don’t,” Hyungwon shoots back, on reflex. He winces internally, automatically reaching out to feel for Minhyuk’s emotions. Minhyuk feels him probing, raising a brow before smiling. An easy forgiveness, for his defensive words that can bit a little too hard sometimes. Hyungwon feels his heart swell just a little more at Minhyuk’s kindness.

“Mhm.” Minhyuk snickers, sticking his tongue out Hyungwon. A few pedestrians give Minhyuk and Hyungwon odd looks, steering themselves further away.

“Stop being so childish.” Hyungwon wrinkles his nose, eyes following Minhyuk as he turns around and skips up to Hyungwon.

He stops skipping and stands close, closer than Hyungwon is sure is socially acceptable for two roommates, for two _friends_ , even. Minhyuk tilts his head up, slipping even further into Hyungwon’s personal space, his lips twisting up in amusement.

“ _Make_ me.” Breath fans against Hyungwon’s face, Minhyuk’s eyes twinkling mischievously up close. Hyungwon inhales, curbing his instinct to take a step back. Minhyuk leans even closer and licks his own lips, giving Hyungwon a coquettish wink before stepping out from under his umbrella, opening up his own. Minhyuk twirls it as he skips ahead, splashing around in puddles happily. Hyungwon brings a hand up to his cheek, slapping himself lightly before scowling.

“You’re the worst!” Hyungwon hollers after him, staying a safe distance away from Minhyuk’s splash zone.

“So? You like it!” Minhyuk yells back. His teasing attitude drifts into Hyungwon’s senses, all casualness.

Hyungwon’s fingers drift to his own lips, resting unconsciously on them. He does like it, Hyungwon thinks. He likes Minhyuk, all of him.

If only he could just _say it_.

\---

“Hey,” Hyungwon whispers, nudging Minhyuk, “didn’t you want to watch this movie? Why are you falling asleep?”

“Hm?”

“Sacred movie night, remember? You shouldn’t be asleep,” Hyungwon teases gently.

“Mmph,” Minhyuk replies eloquently, swatting at Hyungwon’s arm before curling into his side. Hyungwon blinks, heartbeat dropping to his stomach. He forces himself to take a few calming breaths before shrugging and turning back to the movie, pulling the sound down a bit. And despite the unaccustomed weight of Minhyuk against him, Hyungwon finds himself immersed in the movie until the credits begin rolling.

Hyungwon shifts slightly, stretching and looking down. “Hey,” he whispers, brushing a tentative hand over his shoulder. Minhyuk makes a sleepy noise, moving to drape his arm over Hyungwon’s legs as he slides even closer. His fingers unconsciously fist the hem of Hyungwon’s t-shirt as his chin digs into Hyungwon’s hip.

“Mi— _Minhyuk_ ,” Hyungwon stutters out, alarmed at such personal, close contact. He can feel the warm puffs of Minhyuk’s breath against his skin of his waist through the thin layer of his t-shirt. Minhyuk doesn’t respond, breathing low and even.

Panic, panic, panic. A hundred different scenarios run through Hyungwon’s head as he frantically decides what to do. He could quietly leave. That would be awkward. He could stay and fall asleep. Waking up together would also be awkward. Minhyuk could jolt awake and then angrily accuse Hyungwon of being a horrible person for letting Minhyuk touch him before storming off. That would be beyond awkward.

Okay. That last one is incredibly unlikely. But still…

Hyungwon squeezes his eyes shut, blowing a exhale out of his lips before looking down at Minhyuk. Watching the gentle movement of his shoulders in time with his breathing calms Hyungwon down a bit. His eyes catch on the dark strands of Minhyuk’s hair and he briefly entertains the thought of running his fingers through them. Hyungwon leans down carefully so as to not disturb Minhyuk’s sleep. He brushes a few errant strands of hair away from Minhyuk’s eyes; his nose twitches, but he doesn’t wake. Hyungwon tilts his head as his eyes rove Minhyuk’s face, one finger moving to ghost a line down Minhyuk’s nose. It hovers above his lips for a moment before dropping carefully onto Minhyuk’s shoulder. He still doesn’t stir.

Hyungwon tilts his head, considering Minhyuk’s face. He looks calmer and somehow, more mature in his sleep. His face, always bursting into bright smiles and happy laughter, is finally relaxed, slack with exhaustion. Seeing him like this, free of the quick words and lively expression that make up such an integral part of his personality, feels odd. He…looks good, Hyungwon decides. Handsome, in fact. His face is striking, with the smooth slope of his nose and sharp line of his jaw. His eyes are closed, but Hyungwon knows how warm and kind they are. Hyungwon’s eyes move down to study his lips, briefly wondering if they feel as soft as they appear—

Hyungwon blinks. That is _not_ a roommate-appropriate thought. In fact, none of these thoughts are really roommate-appropriate at all! Even though he might be falling love with his roommate, these thoughts are _not_ appropriate! Hyungwon slaps his cheeks, desperately trying to clear his head.

He quickly reaches out and shakes Minhyuk’s shoulder a little, trying to wake him up before he can try to analyze his thoughts any further. Minhyuk stirs, making a small, restless noise before slowly propping himself up in Hyungwon’s lap. He blinks up at Hyungwon’s face.

“Hyungwon?” He mumbles sleepily, rubbing his eyes. Hyungwon’s gaze darts about Minhyuk’s face, noting the indents the folds of his t-shirt made against Minhyuk’s cheek. He glances down at Minhyuk’s lips for another moment before dragging his gaze away.

“Movie’s finished,” he says, a slight blush coloring his cheeks.

Minhyuk hums absentmindedly and struggles up further, hands braced against Hyungwon’s thighs. He looks up at Hyungwon, suppressing another yawn before falling sideways against the couch back and considering Hyungwon drowsily. His hands don’t leave Hyungwon’s legs, fingers tracing aimless patterns atop the cloth.

“Good?”

“Yeah, it was. You, you missed it,” Hyungwon stutters out, shifting himself to fully face Minhyuk. The movement dislodges Minhyuk’s fingers from his legs, an action that leaves Hyungwon both disappointed, but relieved. At least he can breathe a little easier now.

Though, looking straight into Minhyuk’s warm, languid gaze seems to punch the breath right out of his lungs again.

“Yeah? ‘S fine, I can watch it some other time,” Minhyuk says, propping his chin up with one hand. He says nothing more, only watching Hyungwon. Time seems to slow, the quiet music of movie’s menu screen barely registering in Hyungwon’s mind. He takes Minhyuk in, the relaxed set of his shoulders and the gentle, almost quietly amused expression on his face. He considers it all; the unevenness of his eyelids, the brush of the fringe of his hair against his forehead, the tap of his finger against his cheek. The curve of his lips, skin slightly chapped but so, so soft.

“Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon responds with an inquiring noise, gaze snapping up from Minhyuk’s lip to his eyes. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but something is going to happen. He can feel it. Minhyuk leans forward slightly, more awake. His eyes are trained on Hyungwon with an intensity Hyungwon rarely sees in action; it sends a shiver down his spine. Hyungwon can feel his heart jumping into his throat, his breaths coming out in shorter pants. He’s nervous, _so_ incredibly nervous.

Minhyuk seems to sense this, pulling back a little bit to look at Hyungwon. He pauses before giving him a small smile, unfolding himself and standing from the couch. He stretches carefully before offering a hand to Hyungwon.

“We should probably sleep, hm?”

Hyungwon takes the offered hand, standing a little shakily. It’s a lot to take in right now; Minhyuk is always a lot to take in. The moment has passed, but Hyungwon’s heart can’t stop racing. Maybe it’s for the best that nothing happened. Though, Hyungwon can’t help but feel a little bit of disappointment. Minhyuk shuts down the TV and they trek down the hall towards their room. They stop at their respective doorways, pausing.

“Good night, Hyungwon,” Minhyuk says quietly before entering his room. Hyungwon turns to look over his shoulder, gaze meeting Minhyuk’s.

Minhyuk only smiles, peeking at Hyungwon from behind the door as it closes. Their eyes lock on each other the whole way, breaking only with the gentle click of Minhyuk’s door shutting closed. Hyungwon sighs.

It’s going to be a long, sleepless night.

\---

Hyungwon is going crazy. That’s the only explanation for it. He can’t stop thinking about Minhyuk. His mind is always full, whether it’s considering the nuances of Minhyuk’s facial expression, or reflecting on his feelings for him. It’s informative; Hyungwon now knows that what he felt at that dinner all those weeks ago was definitely jealousy. He was jealous of Hyunwoo and his close connection to Minhyuk.

But this new information, this new way of life where Hyungwon is beginning to understand and know himself is also terrifying. Hyungwon hasn’t done this much introspection _ever_. Being laid bare before your own eyes and being able to count your sins and organize them into neat little rows is petrifying. Hyungwon struggles with this new understanding of his own image, as well as the concerns that come with it.

_If this is who I truly am, I have a lot of flaws. More than I was previously aware of. Am I good enough for Minhyuk? Will he accept me?_

The questions plague him constantly; and he doesn’t have any of the answers. So, Hyungwon settles for silent, panicked contemplation at all hours of the day. Figure things out on your own, get your shit together, and then present yourself in a neat package, wrapped with a bow, for Minhyuk. It’s simple in theory, but things get in the way. Like impulse. The stroke of careless impulse that pushes the words out of Hyungwon’s throat is what does him in. The words that Hyungwon has mulled over for weeks.

They burst out of his mouth as he passes Minhyuk and stops at the doorway to the hall.

_(Why do you want to say it?_

_Because I want him to know_. _He deserves to know)_

“About what we talked about a couple of weeks ago. I…might have been jealous.” Hyungwon freezes.

It takes a few seconds for the words to click in Minhyuk’s head. And then, suddenly, Minhyuk’s eyes are wide in disbelief.

“You _were_?!” Minhyuk shrieks, leaping from the table. “Youhavetotellmemore—”

“No, I really don’t!” Hyungwon yelps as he feels Minhyuk’s hands latch onto his shoulders. Hyungwon whips around, stumbling as he sees Minhyuk’s face so close to his own. His eyes shine, curiosity and excitement leaking out and permeating Hyungwon’s senses.

“HyungwonHyungwonHyungwon,” Minhyuk chatters breathlessly, laughing as he traps Hyungwon against the wall, “What do you mean you were _jealous_?”

“I didn’t say I was—”

“You _so_ did, tell me,” Minhyuk laughs, crowding up against him insistently. Hyungwon knows Minhyuk is just excited and curious and, thus, more playful than usual. But with his body crowding Hyungwon’s, hands running up and down Hyungwon’s arm and pressed against the wall behind Hyungwon’s head, it’s all so much. Every single one of his senses is just _Minhyuk_. The sight of his warm eyes, bright grin, and sharp jaw, the chatter of Minhyuk’s voice in Hyungwon’s ear, the smell of his slightly fruity shampoo wafting up Hyungwon’s nose. And his emotions. They crowd Hyungwon’s mind, vying for all his attention. Hyungwon feels as though his head is full to bursting, unable to take in any new information. All his mind can register is just Minhyuk, Minhyuk, _Minhyuk_.

“Pleaaasssee,” Minhyuk whines in his ear.

It’s too much.

“Minhyuk, stop!” Hyungwon gasps, pushing against Minhyuk’s chest.

Minhyuk lets up a little, blinking. “Hyungwon?” Hyungwon can feel his emotions twist from happiness to confusion.

“I can’t…I can’t tell you.” Hyungwon turns away, fingers clenching to fists. He curses himself internally. Here it is, the perfect opportunity to tell Minhyuk of his feelings. And yet he’s too much of a coward to let the words loose from where they are still lodged in throat, after all these months.

Minhyuk stares at him for a moment before his expression falls.

“It’s…fine,” he says, voice softer than Hyungwon’s ever heard. Minhyuk steps away from Hyungwon carefully, turning away.

“Minhyuk?” Hyungwon blurts out, hand jerking out to latch onto Minhyuk’s wrist. Minhyuk refuses to turn around, yanking his arm out of Hyungwon’s grip as he begins walking down the hall.

“What.”

“Wait,” Hyungwon says, catching Minhyuk’s shoulder with his hand. Minhyuk knocks his hand off, walking into his own room with Hyungwon hot on his heels.

Minhyuk whirls around and presses his hand to the doorframe, blocking Hyungwon from entering his room. “Look, if you were jealous and you can’t tell me, I get it. I get it if you, I don’t know, likeHyunwoo orsomething? He’s got a girlfriend but if he’s moreyourtypeand I’m justgettinginyourway Igetit IunderstandandIwon’tbotheryou—” Minhyuk cuts himself off, turning away to sit on his bed.

“Minhyuk, I—” Hyungwon steps forward, reaching out.

Minhyuk gives him a watery glare. “ _Don’t_.” He shakes his head vehemently, eyes brimming with tears. “Please, just…don’t.”

Hyungwon’s brows furrow as he parses through Minhyuk’s words. And suddenly, he freezes. Minhyuk thinks he likes Hyunwoo? That he’s jealous of Minhyuk for knowing Hyunwoo? _What_?

“What?” Hyungwon barks out an incredulous laugh. “It, it isn’t Hyunwoo! I’m not jealous of you because I like Hyunwoo! God, why would I be?”

Minhyuk’s expression shifts too quickly for Hyungwon to grasp, quickly settling back to neutral. His hands give himself away though, fluttering about nervously before settling in his lap, tightly pressed together. Hyungwon can feel the hesitation practically dripping off Minhyuk.

“What?”

“I wasn’t jealous of you because of Hyunwoo. I was jealous of Hyunwoo. Because of _you_.” In an impulsive move, Hyungwon growls in frustration and puts his hand over Minhyuk’s, commanding his attention.

“ _Fuck_ , Minhyuk. I can’t take this anymore.” Hyungwon shakes his head.

“Take wha—”

“I know how I feel. But I don’t get _you_. Just tell me how you fucking feel!”

Minhyuk, in movements too fast for Hyungwon to comprehend, lunges at him. Hyungwon finds pulled onto Minhyuk’s bed, twisted so that he lands against the soft bedspread. Minhyuk’s knees bracket his hips and hands on either side of Hyungwon’s body. The contact feels too close, too sudden. Hyungwon’s hands jump up to steady themselves instinctively against Minhyuk’s waist, legs shifting. Minhyuk stares down at him, his eyes wide. His gaze darts down to Hyungwon’s lips for a moment, _just_ a moment, before roving up Hyungwon’s face. Hyungwon suppresses the urge to shiver as Minhyuk’s tongue absentmindedly flicks out to wet his lips.

“Tell you how I _feel_? God, Hyungwon…” Minhyuk mumbles, eyes squeezing shut as he dips his head, his hair brushing against Hyungwon’s forehead. His fingers come up to brush ever so lightly against Hyungwon’s face.

“Minhyuk,” Hyungwon murmurs, hands tightening on Minhyuk’s hips like an anchor, to keep him grounded.

“I feel…so _much_ for you. But… you make all so difficult. You act like you hate everything and everyone and I think you really do sometimes…hate almost everyone, I mean, I,” Minhyuk’s voice catches, throat tight.

“I, I know you look at yourself with somuch hate too and sometimesyou look at me likethat too but to me… Hyungwon, you don’tunderstandhowmuch youmeantomeandhow brightyoushinewhenI lookat youandIthink—no I _know_ thatI lo—" Minhyuk’s voice disappears, mouth moving with empty words before snapping shut. Minhyuk slaps his hand over his mouth as he wrenches himself away from Hyungwon, backing off of Hyungwon and against the bed’s headboard. His breathing is louder through the cup of his hand as he stares at Hyungwon struggling to push himself up on his elbows.

“Say it.” Hyungwon props himself up, eyes fierce. Minhyuk drops his gaze, fingers clamped over his mouth as he tries to move further away, scrambling to get off the bed. Hyungwon lunges forward.

“Say it!” One hand latches onto Minhyuk’s wrist, the other pressing against the wall behind Minhyuk’s shoulder. Minhyuk shakes his head vehemently, shrinking into himself.

Hyungwon stares at Minhyuk, chest heaving. “Just…say it, I…” His grip loosens, thumb shifting to gently brush the inside of Minhyuk’s wrist. Minhyuk’s eyes widen slightly as Hyungwon hangs his head and exhales, the air suspended between the two of them.

“Please.” Their eyes meet and slowly, _so_ slowly, Minhyuk pulls his hand away from his mouth. He looks down at the bed, hands curling into fists as he opens his mouth—“—loveyouChae HyungwonIloveyouIloveyouI loveyouandI’msoafraid that youdon’t loveme and never will!” Minhyuk gasps out, chest heaving as his wrist slips out of Hyungwon’s grip. Hyungwon’s head snaps up.

“You…”

“Gods above, I _love_ you Hyungwon and it scares me,” Minhyuk spits out, burying his face in his hands as he sags against the headboard. The silence feels so thick that breathing almost seems harder.

“Scares you?” Hyungwon blurts out. Minhyuk peeks through his fingers, gaze flicking up to meet Hyungwon’s. “Why…why are you afraid?”

“You never say how you feel, but you always know how everyone else feels,” he mutters. “You’re such a mystery and I never know what you’re thinking. I’m always afraid that you just…you just hate me and you’re too polite to say it.” Minhyuk lets out a self-deprecating, muffled laugh, his shoulders shaking slightly.

He starts as Hyungwon moves, gently peeling Minhyuk’s fingers away from his face. Hyungwon tentatively touches Minhyuk’s hair, deliberately avoiding his gaze as he bites his lip in thought.

“I…I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, given how shitty I was, but…I never hated you, I think. You’re annoying sometimes, and sometimes you talk so fast it gives me a headache, but…I don’t… _hate_ you,” Hyungwon mutters. “Sometimes, I don’t even know what I feel for you.”

Minhyuk straightens ever so slightly. “Do you like me?”

Hyungwon tilts his head, considering Minhyuk. “More than I ever thought I would.”

“Do you love me?”

“I…don’t know. I,” Hyungwon pauses, face screwing up in a consternated expression. “I think I want to?”

“Are you okay with that?”

“With what?”

“Maybe coming to love me someday?”

Hyungwon thinks carefully, touching on every single interaction he can remember having with Minhyuk in the past. Events flash through his mind, both good and bad. He thinks about it and the bad events…aren’t truly bad. The good times shine through even more, and as Hyungwon’s heart tightens and he steels himself to speak, he knows the answer from the bottom of his heart.

“Yes,” he says with conviction. “I didn’t think so at first but…loving you is something I want to work towards. If…just liking you and not even loving you makes me feel this much, then I _want_ to love you.”

Hyungwon gathers Minhyuk’s hands in his and looks up at him, hesitant but determined. “I want to learn what it feels like and I want to get to know that feeling. I want to get to know _you_. All of you.”

“Hy—Hyungwon,” Minhyuk voice stumbles, barely above a whisper. Hyungwon’s eyes widen as he sees a few tears slip down Minhyuk’s cheek.

“Why, why are you crying?” Hyungwon brushes the tears away with his thumb, expression panicked.

“I don’t know. I’m feeling everything so quickly I just…don’t know.” Minhyuk sniffles, giving Hyungwon a watery smile as he scrubs at his face.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Hyungwon says quietly. Minhyuk shakes his head vehemently, pushing away more tears with a quick flick of his wrist.

“No, no, don’t apologize. I’m feeling a lot but I’m happy. Really.” He takes one of Hyungwon’s hands and presses it to his chest. “You can feel it, if you’d like.”

Hyungwon swallows and reaches out. A muddle of confusion, excitement, apprehension, and other more nuanced emotions swell up at the brush of his senses. But surrounding it all is an overwhelmingly bright burst of happiness, surrounding the emotions and bundling them up, easily encompassing them. Hyungwon gives a nervous but relieved smile and slides his hands to rest on Minhyuk’s shoulders.

Minhyuk lets out a watery giggle, fingers resting on Hyungwon’s waist. “Your hands are shaking.”

Hyungwon lets out an exhale of amusement. “Yeah, I’m nervous.”

“You are?”

Hyungwon nods carefully, eyes trained on the seam of Minhyuk’s shirt. “Whatever happens next, whatever we do next, I want it to be good for you. You deserve only the best.” He pauses. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

“Oh, Hyungwon,” Minhyuk sighs, smiling as he draws his fingers up to cup Hyungwon’s face in both his hands. He tilts Hyungwon’s head up, so that their eyes meet.

“I’ve liked you for so long, and I _want_ to do this with you. I want to go on this journey and learn more about you. Whatever happens, it will be good, for both of us. I know it will.”

“Are you sure?” Hyungwon says quietly, pouring every fear and doubt he has in himself into those few words. Minhyuk tilts his head, carefully considering the hundreds of questions hidden in Hyungwon’s simple query. He then nods, a warm smile blossoming on his lips.

“Positive.” Minhyuk waits patiently as Hyungwon takes his words in. He draws his fingers up Hyungwon’s face, brushing a few strands of hair back as Hyungwon’s eyes rove Minhyuk’s face.

Hyungwon moves slowly, cautiously, as if afraid he will scare Minhyuk away. But Minhyuk stays still, gentle and encouraging as Hyungwon touches Minhyuk with careful hands.

He runs his thumb gently over Minhyuk’s lip, tilting his chin up slightly. “Can I?”

“Please,” Minhyuk murmurs, moving forward and meeting Hyungwon in the middle.

Their lips touch and, finally, _finally_ , Hyungwon feels like his world has tilted back to a state of equilibrium. As if all the time he spent thinking and worrying about himself and Minhyuk had slanted his world out of balance on its axis.

Every touch is new and exciting and almost overwhelming in how deliciously good it feels. His mind clamors to take it all in, everything narrowing down to snapshots of isolated moments. Their lips slotting together in another searing kiss. Hyungwon’s low hum as Minhyuk brushes Hyungwon’s bottom lip with his tongue. Minhyuk’s small, breathy sighs (unexpected, but very welcome). The sudden curl of Minhyuk’s desire Hyungwon feels as he lets his hand shift to grip the hair at the nape of Minhyuk’s neck.

Hyungwon feels Minhyuk’s hands against his chest, gently pushing back. He gets the message, letting himself lean back to fall against the bedspread. He expects his back to hit the bed, but his eyes widen as he slips, nearly toppling off onto the floor. He yelps, arms shooting out to grasp the bedsheets and Minhyuk’s arm. Hyungwon quickly manages to pull himself fully back onto the bed, letting a small noise as he flops against the bedspread. They stare at each other for a few seconds, Hyungwon sprawled beneath Minhyuk, panting as his heart hammers from the shock of nearly falling off the bed. And then suddenly, Minhyuk begins to laugh.

“Wh—what?” Hyungwon splutters, confused but also indignant. Minhyuk shakes his head, laughter wracking his frame as he bends over Hyungwon, swooping in to plant a kiss on the tip of his nose. He kisses down Hyungwon’s face, ending with a slow, deep kiss against Hyungwon’s lips. Hyungwon makes a noise, struggling to prop himself up on one elbow as his other hand cups Minhyuk’s cheek. Minhyuk ends the kiss gently, pressing his forehead against Hyungwon’s.

“I love you so much.”

Hyungwon’s brow furrows, expression slightly panicked. “I—”

“You don’t need to say it back yet,” Minhyuk says, smiling against Hyungwon’s mouth as he quickly kisses him again. Hyungwon nods, arm draping over Minhyuk’s shoulder as he tilts his head, angling to deepen the kiss.

“See? Whatever happens, it’s good,” Minhyuk hums reassuringly against Hyungwon’s lips. He punctuates the statement with a quick peck, then another. And then another. Hyungwon exhales in amusement, smiling up at Minhyuk.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, taking Minhyuk’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and bringing him closer for a tender kiss.

It’s good. It really is.

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this baby for nearly a year and i'm so happy i got to share with ya'll! hope you enjoyed it, come find me on [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/peachyminhyk) and on [ tumblr](https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/) if you want to talk more!


End file.
